robyn's nest...

new blog...

2010-01-03T22:51:00.000-06:00

check out my new blog... i'm not going to move all my posts from this one over, and this one will probably stay up, but i won't be posting here... so, for updates, go to: http://robynlikeabyrd.blogspot.com

some exciting savings.

2009-12-11T01:10:00.002-06:00

so, lately, i've gotten really excited about saving/discounts/coupons/etc.

Here are the best ones I've had lately:

1) getting part of chris' christmas present for $8.32 from $106... saving $94... it was a combination of sales and other incentives... but i thought it was way impressive. i clearly won't write what cost that much, just in case... but it's impressive.

2) 50 photo christmas cards w/envelopes: $3.19. and i got them in less than a week. now i have to address and send them out. and figure out a blog address i like to update (another task) to put on the back of the cards before i send them out - saving me time and money on printing out a letter to go with each one. (see... smart.)

3) a wall photo calendar, customized: $9. This is not that great of a deal, but the calendar was free... it was just the shipping that got me. i didn't want to settle for 21 days, so opted for 14... hoping it makes it in about 5. still pretty impressive to have such a fun customized calendar.

4) dinner at target: $1.64. when i was checking out, i got a receipt coupon for $1 off of purchase at least $1 at the snack bar. a hot dog/coke combo is $2.50, and i saved $1 off of that. pretty good. of course, then it had me craving potato chips, so i got a bag at wal-mart for $0.30... so i guess my full dinner total was about $2 w/tax.

5) hint passed on from my mom (from some magazine): use paint swatches in holiday colors (from paint stores, etc) as gift tags. i currently have some that i will use with my "brown paper packages tied up with string" and also some ornaments that i got 5/$2. So: all together, i will be able to wrap 15 presents, each w/an ornament tied to the top and a gift tag for: $11... and will probably be able to wrap another 15 w/o ornaments and still include that in the total cost. not bad

in a way i feel kind of nerdy, but at the same time, it's wonderful. I saved a lot of money this week.

btw: my new favorite site that amy told me about: www.faithfulprovisions.com - #s 2,3 came from there.

grateful that i don't get paid based on how much i blog.

2009-12-09T22:25:00.003-06:00

amanda, sonja... this is for you...

a day in my life.
an essay by robyn.

i've gone to school in arkansas for all different grade levels. at some point, i'm SURE that i had to have 2 mmr shots. however, when i tried to track down shot records in august when i started at pulaski tech, i could only find a record for 1. even though i'm only going to pulaski tech for a license program (not degree), i still had to have proof for two... but i knew that i could wait until later in the semester to complete this task. it came time for early registration, and i realized i hadn't gotten the shot yet (and had a hold on my account... seriously!?!), so i needed to get it done this week.

i had a dentist appointment this week, so i thought that while i was already gone from work, i'd kill two birds with one stone (poor birds.)

2:05 p.m.: i go to the health center close to my office. after circling the parking lot at least 12 times (this is not an exaggeration - there were no parking spots), i finally see a car pulling out and i snatch up the space. i pass a lady who is clearly pregnant smoking in the parking lot. i was sad for her unborn baby, thought, "maybe she's not pregnant." then i thought, "who am i kidding? she's at least 8 months along." i walk in the front door and there are people EVERYWHERE. i was told to take a number. looking around, i thought, "no way. this is crazy." then i might have said those same words as i walked out the door. i knew there was a health clinic close to pulaski tech, so i just thought i'd head there. i wasn't sure where it was, and i couldn't get in touch with anyone who would know, but i just went toward the school anyway.

2:15 p.m.: i call my old family doctor... some family members still go to him, but i haven't seen him in 15 years. they tell me that he can't do an immunization for me because he's not my pcp. then, i ask if he can be, and they tell me no.

2:45 p.m.: lost in nlr. find a "medical center" and i know it's tied to the VA, but i'm not sure if there is a separate clinic. i park, go in, and ask the lady who looks at me like i'm crazy and says, "this is the VA!!" and i explained that i knew i wasn't in the right place and asked if she could point me in the right direction. she gives me directions by saying, "it's down the street"

3:00 p.m.: i find a health clinic "down the street" and go in... it's a baptist health center. they don't do immunizations there, but she tells me there's a health clinic right across the street that does them.

3:05 p.m.: i get to the health clinic, sign in... they get some information and tell me it will be $5. i hand them my debit card and they inform me that they only take cash or checks. i don't have either (only $3 in cash) and the guy tells me that i can bring the money back later. i wait 20 minutes and finally get called back. i get my shot and leave. btw, it hurts.

3:35 p.m.: i am on a hunt for a bank of america atm... though, after a few minutes of searching (and not being able to connect on my phone - was mccain really the closest?), i decide that ANY atm will do. i still can't find one and decide to head to downtown lr (10 minutes away), and then, on the way, i see a boa atm. i stop for cash.

4:00 p.m.: i return to the health center to pay. the lady tells me that it was "sweet" and that i don't have to worry about the $5 fee. wish i'd known that when i was searching for an atm.

4:10 p.m.: i arrive at pulaski tech to turn in my shot record. i pull up to the "administration" building, find a parking space and walk to the door. there's a sign on the door that says the administration departments have moved to another building across campus.

4:20 p.m.: i walk into the building and go to the 3rd floor office where i was advised (there weren't any signs telling where i should go, so i went there). it was obviously the wrong floor.

4:23 p.m.: i get to the right floor... right office and all the doors are shut with signs on them that say, "DO NOT OPEN! Sign in on computer." i go to the computers and try to decide whether i need to "speak to someone" or "drop off documents." i choose the second, and then another screen comes up for me to select the type of document. immunization records are not an option, so i start over and choose "talk to someone" - it asks for my student id. i don't know my student id and there's not a computer that has internet access (all are that menu screen) for me to see what it is.

4:30 p.m.: i take my immunization record and draw large asterisks by my name and mmr. i drop it in the student services box and leave.

oh, and i never ate lunch and had a headache. and the dentist told me i had to have my other wisdom teeth out. the ladies in the front of the dental office told me that if i'd chosen a different dental plan (i had multiple options) that my visit that day would have been free, not $45 and it would cost me $16 per tooth to have the wisdom teeth out instead of the $85 it will cost per tooth under my current insurance.

but the immunization record cleared my holds and i registered for the one class that wasn't full that i can take. i have bruises on my arm from the shots (they talked me into a tetanus booster also).

the end.

to be loved

2009-10-20T23:52:00.002-05:00

it's too late to really go into a lot of details... but i wanted to type a quick something because i just realized i'd let another 2 months go by without recording any electronic thoughts... i've been busy.

i just realized a couple of times tonight how wonderful it feels to be loved.

not because of anything i've done to deserve it... because of who i am...

i'm joyful in the deepest places of my heart. to be understood... to be loved... it's more than i could've ever asked for.

and not only by jesus but by an incredible and godly man.

wow.

wow.

you know i'm sick when...

2009-08-18T17:45:00.000-05:00

i get into a super-hot car with a sweater on... in arkansas... in august... and i remark at how good it feels...

i'm not 100% sure what virus or bacteria has taken up residence in my sinuses (sini? haha... i know it's sinuses.)... and my throat... but it's a bad one...

and i wish it'd go away...

finally friday

2009-08-07T21:47:00.002-05:00

i know... it's been a long time...

been busy... lots of changes... lots of non-changes...

i am going back to school... if i can get everything turned in (and get a MMR immunization sometime early next week), then i will be starting a week from monday at a local community college working toward a technical certificate in medical transcription... i'm curious about it... the school is pretty inexpensive... and i have been looking for a new challenge... the biggest hurdle so far? an immunization record... i'm looking forward to learning some new stuff, though... and to being back in school...

because i don't really have time to go to school and work two jobs... and because i can't afford to go to school and live on my main source of income... i'm moving back in with my family... i need to be saving money and not killing myself, so it seemed like the logical choice... it will happen in a couple of months... and i don't know exactly how long it will last... we'll see...

so, in the foreseeable future (december at the latest), i should be going to one job... my full-time one, not sbux... which is good... because i've been working 2 for 2 years... too too long!!!

and my love life is still great... that's one of the non-changes...

and that's all... i kind of feel awful for a friday night which stinks... but i'm glad it's the weekend!

sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name...

2009-07-10T16:40:00.002-05:00

so, today, i realized something...

i should have realized it a long time ago... and then, i should have realized it last weekend, then earlier this week... and then yesterday... but it took today to make it a reality for me...

here's the story (not about a lovely lady)...

i love mexican food... that has to be center to the story for the rest to start to make sense...

of all the mexican food in little rock, i happen to love senor tequila the best... (we don't have a u.s. border cantina...) i love the salsa... i really like the guacamole... i like the fajitas, burritos... all around, it's my favorite... plus, there are several locations in the area... so regardless of where i end up (near work or home... or someone else's home... or wal-mart or church), there's one nearby...

i have eaten there multiple times in a week... it's true... (realization opportunity #1)

sunday came, and chris and i were trying to decide where to eat dinner... and landed on mexican... while senor tequila (who, on my bank statements comes up as "senor tequilla") is not his favorite, he went there with me... mostly, i think, to keep me happy and to not make me eat the gross salsa at la hacienda that everyone that i know, including chris, loves... and senor tequila is cheaper than on the border, which i also love, but not as much...

so, in order to get what i want, i've now coerced another person into going there to eat dinner there... but it was wonderful... (realization opportunity #2)

i've gotten in the habit of going to senor tequila for lunch on mondays... because their lunch special on monday is fajitas for $6.00... that's a deal... seriously!!! with tax and tip, it is usually in the neighborhood of $8... because i'm a good tipper... so monday comes, and i remember that i just had senor tequila on sunday night, but it's "fajita monday," so i must go... and because it's "fajita monday" (which is basically a holiday to me), i go... and i have to convince someone to go with me... because one can't do fajita monday alone... sharing is better, as with any holiday...

so, i've hit twice in one week... not as uncommon as it should be, and probably a bit excessive... and i've also rambled on about fajita monday in crazy-speak and all my friends know about it at work and are now avoiding it...(realization opportunity #3)

i signed up for mint.com this week (yesterday)... and i LOVE IT... it breaks down my purchases and shows me (conveniently) where i've spent money... luckily for me, it doesn't lump all the senor tequila locations together when it sorts them and lists them... i mean, i've looked at my bank statement online, but it's just a list... not a pretty pie chart that shows just exactly how ridiculous i can be with my spending habits... now, thanks to mint.com, i know that senor tequila is one of the places i spend money most frequently... not the grocery store... not the gas station... but senor tequila... (realization opportunity #4)

so, today... i have been pretty good about eating food i brought with me to work this week... not eating out as much... and working through lunch... but today, i needed to get out of the office... no one wanted to go with me, and it was too late to call friends not at work with me, since i was hungry right then... so, of course, i make my way down to my favorite lunch spot...

today's special was a burrito for $5, so i opted for that... because i love them and it's cheap... almost moe's cheap, if you ask me...

and i sat and worked a sudoku puzzle while i ate... just hanging out...

and i go up to the counter to pay...

the guy behind the counter looks at my ticket and says, "no fajitas today?"

my name is robyn and i'm addicted to senor tequila (specifically, but not limited to fajita monday).

just a few minutes...

2009-07-02T17:27:00.002-05:00

i just have a few minutes... still juggling 2 jobs, church, and regular life... and now i've managed (or tried to, anyway) to throw another someone into the mix.

he is wonderful... seriously...

but i doubt he's ready for me to spill my guts (and his) on such a public venue...

one month in... i've been waiting for red flags and warning signs... and so far... not one... all signs point to yes. (what is that thing that the magic 8 ball says? is that it? anyway... green lights, blue skies, walking on sunshine...)

so i've jumped in... falling quickly...

it's the best feeling ever...

and time is up... off to work i go.

ok... i'll say one more thing...

2009-06-15T16:43:00.002-05:00

i have been laughing and smiling a lot more than usual... i think i even snorted 25 times in a row on friday without stopping... people have said i've been glowing... (haha!!!)

life is good...

and i'm amazed...

he likes me. he really likes me.

*sigh*

more details to follow... maybe... :)

i haven't been sleeping much lately...

2009-06-13T11:01:00.001-05:00

i've had a few distractions...

well, let's be honest... one distraction.

it's a good thing, though...

and that might be all i'm willing to say at this point.

i'm packing your angry eyes... just in case...

2009-06-11T16:52:00.003-05:00

i've had "grumpy face" a lot today... it seems like life has thrown me a curve ball at every possible moment... and i'm not happy about it... also, sometimes, when i read, i make a funny face (that doesn't look happy)... mostly because i'm trying to take in all that i am reading and it gives me awful forehead wrinkles that are daily deepening into what i'm sure, someday, will be scary deep wrinkles... someday... maybe... when i'm old... like 45...

haha... a little boy at church (8 and a half) said that when he looked in the mirror sunday morning that he could tell that he looked older... just wait, kid... it's a daily thing for me...

i really was going to write about the curveballs... now i'm stuck on the dumb age thing... but here they are...

curveball #1: i accidently reset all the printers/drivers from my computer at work... it's not as simple as going in and re-selecting them... because of some driver issues... so today, i needed to figure out how to add them OR submit a help desk ticket to get someone to come set them up...

then, i went to our intranet to submit a help desk ticket which won't work from the mac that now resides in my cube...

#2... after someone came up to install the drivers (after i went to a different computer to submit the ticket and called and begged them to come earlier since i have an urgent job that has to be done today), everything seemed to work... until i printed the first sheet and something is wrong with it... based on what size sheet of paper it is...

#3... i got a text message mid-day... i wanted it to be one person... it was definitely another person who i did NOT want to get a text message from...

#4... after all the print issues, i realized i wouldn't be able to print from the mac and get the job done... so i decided post-merge to make it a pdf... 151 pages of pdf to be exact...

#5... 30 minutes later, only half had finished generating...

ok, so they're not huge curveballs... but today i was looking forward to it being a certain kind of day... it was not that day...

and i'm also a little disappointed...

and very sleepy...

and not looking forward to 4.5 more hours of work after working 8... or the 13.5 tomorrow... or the 4.5 saturday... or the 4.5 sunday...

the last day i had off from both jobs was may 25. the next day i'll have off from both is june 19. this is a problem... haha... it's sad when june 19 is the day i have to go have wisdom teeth out and i'm actually looking forward to it because it's a day off...

only 12 days until my real vacation... must tan more before i go or else i will be the crazy burn victim on florida's beautiful beaches.

end rant.

every place is within walking distance if you have the time...

2009-05-30T14:31:00.002-05:00

someone i know once said that...

i disagreed with him... i couldn't exactly walk to china, could i?

but i have done a lot of walking this week... i think it's good for my soul... i've never really loved it before, but there's something about a walk and good conversation... or a walk and a good playlist... definitely takes it way better...

today's favorite: motownphilly.

monday, it was great conversation...

and wednesday, fun times walking at the gym... watching people, and laughing with a friend...

mile count for the week: somewhere around 14, maybe?

not bad at all.

and that's all for now.

#500...

2009-05-24T22:34:00.003-05:00

really?

it seems like just yesterday when this thing got started... only it was 5 years ago... and i feel like i should be well over 500 entries... (especially since #400 was in 2006!)

such is life.

i don't have much to report... i let rain keep me from seeing toneloc, bobby brown, and fireworks tonight... i should feel really sad... but it's been a good weekend... and i'm excited about having one more day off!!! it's like special treasure!

bitter about love, party of 1

2009-05-18T23:50:00.004-05:00

sometimes i don't realize how bitter about love i've been over the years...

it's only when i start telling stories about my apathetic or negative reactions to the nice things guys have done for me in the past that i start to realize it...

i mostly laugh as girls look at me in horror after hearing the stories and utter things like... "you said that?"

oh yes, absolutely i did... and i'd say it again...

i'm a jerk... and it's going to take more than a girly-guy to win my affection...

he needs to stand up for himself and be a man... i mean, doesn't the song say, "are you strong enough to be my man?"

because, frankly, from where i stand today, most men need to take lessons from harry and david...

p.s. i love

2009-05-15T16:58:00.000-05:00

fridays.

thank you taco

2009-05-14T17:08:00.000-05:00

at some point in my past, the term "thank you taco" was said or heard or read... for the last several months (if not longer), i've tried to remember where i heard or read the phrase, who might have been in a conversation involving a "thank you taco" with me... and i cannot figure out what it has to do with anything... today, i thought about it again... i don't know if it was brought up in conversation with friends or on a tv show (it almost sounds gilmore-ish), but with all my searching on imdb and google searches, i find nothing...

in my head, it's a thing... like a++ pie - which is clearly a pie you make for someone when they do really well on a test... we made it for bethany when she passed her boards... a peach pie with an A and a + and a + rolled from dough and baked on the top...

that makes sense... but a thank you taco? not a clue.

i've even started thinking that i might say it... to throw it into conversation... but i'm not sure of the correct usage AND i have a terrible fear that i will say it incorrectly in front of someone who knows what a thank you taco is...

and now i'm just afraid it was all a dream... is there really such a thing as "thank you taco"?

"thank you taco" is the very first thing i would look up if i had a google search application for my brain... can someone please invent that? "google memory" or something like that. come on... i just need to find someone who is good at science and stuff. (you're welcome, amy... and maybe potential others for that last phrase)

*****

at two different points during the day today at work, people introduced themselves to me... i have worked here for a year... i have been in a meeting with one of the men and was at a wedding shower with the other... and i pass them in the hallways a good bit... i know that there are hundreds of people who work here, but it seems strange that it happened twice today.

i'm guessing that the absence of glasses and the presence of pigtails leave me absolutely unrecognizable...

it's strange.

and yes, i did say pigtails... at work... my day job...

they're not obnoxious pigtails...

i probably should try to grow up before i turn 30... but to me, that almost means i should embrace my inner-child for the next 8 months or so...

i guess if i need to hide, i should opt for the subtle pigtails... and leave the glasses at home... maybe sport my obnoxiously large white sunglasses, too, while i'm at it.

*****

i've had a great thursday...
espresso shot count (since sunday): 25

maybe that explains it...

but i have a feeling it's something else (which will stay a secret)...

until then, bring on the morning espresso (i love a quini venti americano!).

a few times i've been around that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that...

2009-05-13T16:47:00.006-05:00

don't deny it. that song is catchy...

i heard it the other day and thought about how old it was... and that made me a little sad... kind of like a teenager thinking that new kids on the block should be on the oldies station... when did that happen?

again, i don't have any one thing to write about... and i could easily write a lot about the following subjects... in fact, i bet i could present a stellar essay on "hollaback girl" if i had the time... nevertheless, tonight, i will settle for bullet points of the things that i will lay out there for discussion. (actually, i can't get bullets to show up, so i'm numbering the list instead... ugh.)

1. i have joined a society of sorts... we're called the "old lady club" and even though we haven't actually had our first outing, i'm sure it will be my favorite club ever... sort of the like the red hat ladies (who also wear purple, which i don't fully understand), but way younger... well, younger. this group of girls already bring a great deal of joy to my life... so regular outings will be a good thing.

2. i have heard the word swagger a good bit lately... and frankly, it cracks me up... it makes me think of this grey's anatomy with george and this old lady... but i'm not sure if "swagger" was the word she used... it's a funny word. and i always think it way more playful than the definition implies... i like it when people have a bit of a swagger.

3. i want to start writing a "single girl" memoir... i mostly just like the word memoir... but i really like telling my stories, and i think i want to start writing some of them down - whether it's in a blog form or something else... like stories about my dates... kind of like a love story that has no ending... an open-ended love story... i like that... only right now, it would kind of be a sad read, i think... :) i recently read this love story at thepioneerwoman.com - and it cracked me up... and it made me want to write some of my stories... i mean, who would believe the story about me going on a date with an ex-convict to look at christmas lights... (which doesn't even begin to tell HOW GOOD the story really is...) i've also been inspired by a friend of a friend who writes great dating stories... i mean, who couldn't use a good laugh at the expense of my hilarious dating history!

4. i would like to eat a good steak soon... it's been far too long.

5. i'm going to the beach (florida) this summer. i'm very excited about it.

6. i miss some friends who i haven't seen in a long time... why does life have to be so busy?

and that's it for today... off to work #2!

10 things i wish i had more time to blog about.

2009-04-30T18:01:00.000-05:00

1) Fringe (Fox, Tuesday nights - not sure what time... i always record it... or hulu.com to get caught up)... i never thought i would like such a sci-fi-ish show... but i LOVE it... i am always a bit freaked/creeped out... and i'm usually amazed at what they come up with... i never watched the x-files, but it reminds me of what i think x-files is like... the last few weeks have been especially good and imdb.com reports that leonard nimoy will be on next week as a key character... sorry... yes, i did go there... i now watch two shows (fringe and the big bang theory) in which leonard nimoy is discussed or appears... and no, i'm not a fan of star trek, but they're something eerily comforting about spock... i'm calling the next few episodes of fringe "creepfest '09" -- but seriously... i really love this show for some reason!

2) How I Met Your Mother (CBS, Monday nights... again, not sure what time... i love my dvr)... on Monday night's episode, Barney states that Jesus invented the three day rule (wait 3 days before you call a girl after you get her number) because of His death and resurrection 3 days later... yes, it's probably wrong for me to think that was funny, but i totally cracked up.

3) Grey's Anatomy (ABC, Thursday nights 8 p.m. CST???... seriously, couldn't go back to no dvr...) The last few weeks have made me remember why i love this show... and i'm excited about the next couple of weeks...

(i seriously just love tv in may... it's all exciting all the time!)

4) Chuck (NBC, Monday nights... PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT AWAY, NBC!... i think 7 p.m., usually)... i can't believe i didn't mention this one first... i just started watching it this season and it's become one of my favorites... and the season (hopefully not series) finale was amazing... i didn't know it was possible to love zachary levi anymore until he uttered my favorite line of the season... (and show, for me.)

5) Amazing Race (CBS, Sunday nights... no, i never know what time shows are on anymore... but this one also re-airs on Saturday nights on the Travel Channel - something i found out that has saved me twice from missing an episode and not wanting to wait on slow (free) internet from across the street)... whew... i'm exhausted from that... i just love this show and want to start training soon to go on it... if i could find someone to go with me that i wouldn't kill...

6) sad... my life is sad... the first 5 things that came to mind were tv shows...

7) i'm working a lot more hours than i used to... which doesn't go well with my old age and ridiculous tv addiction... there's no time... there's never any time!

8) i've had a lot of encounters with precious children lately... it makes me want to work camp again or have one... but then again, maybe not...

9) the scholarship concert i got to be a part of last weekend was incredible... singing with other former students was fun and i remembered the pride i felt from being a Little Rock Central High Tiger!! Hail to the old gold, hail to the black!!!

10) again, this should have been further up the list... ASU football is 4 months away!!! so close! i wrote out the schedule on my work calendar today and contemplated buying season tickets... i'm really excited about the season!!! Go Red Wolves!!!

i'm sure there's more... but that's it for now... i'm going home to consider #6.

thank God it's friday night, and i just-just-just-just-just got paid...

2009-04-24T16:57:00.002-05:00

this song would be a lot more fun to sing if i didn't have to work tonight (after working all day)... but still...

because i don't have any ONE thing that i want to write about, i'll write about a few things i'm grateful for or happy about today...

1) a few weeks ago, i made a "workout" playlist on itunes... and ever since, it has been my FAVORITE thing to listen to... i'm completely convinced that even pandora.com couldn't put together as many songs that make me happy and make me want to be in a constant state of motion (usually just "dancing" while sitting at my desk at work)... i've had a few of the songs in my head today and it's made my heart a little lighter.

2) i've never been a huge fan of orange soda... i don't really remember if i like it or not, most of the time... but some time ago, i developed a craving for one... (including orange soda being mentioned on tv and seemingly EVERYWHERE...) and today, a friend from work bought an orange crush out of the machine and shared it with me (she was aware of the craving... it wasn't random)... that way, we each got some, but got to split the calories...

3) i went to lunch with my favorite work friend... yummy hole-in-the-wall mexican... it was SO GOOD... and it was so hard to come back to work on a full stomach on friday afternoon!

4) i realized that i do matter to a few people in my life... i know my life "counts," but sometimes i forget that i matter to people... especially certain ones... it's good to remember that i do.

5) um... it's Friday! that should be a given... i have a weekend ahead of me, full with work at the bux, and a choir rehearsal and performance... (random? yes, it is... it is not something i typically do... it's been YEARS since i sang with a choir...) details later... i don't know how it's going to go...

ok... i'm out! yay for a weekend!!!

why do they call it a bandwagon?

2009-04-21T16:46:00.003-05:00

so, a friend of mine and a friend of hers are both involved in new efforts to trim waistlines and get in shape...

for the last 3 months or so, i've been making an extremely good effort at going to the gym regularly, working out 3-4 times a week... i do feel like i'm making progress, but i feel like it's time to change it up a bit...

i'd heard some buzz about the couch to 5k program for some time... and since i have a few friends trying it out AND i want to start participating in 5ks, i thought it might be a good specific plan to start on...

i have already been doing some running as part of my work out plan, but this will help me to be more intentional about it...

fortunately, i'm already in the habit of going to the gym, and at first, this will actually shorten my gym time... which is a good thing this week due to a bit of a hectic schedule...

i'm incredibly sleepy today... 5 shots of espresso just weren't enough... sad commentary on my life...

maybe running will help!

9:15 a.m. on a saturday.

2009-04-18T09:13:00.003-05:00

there have been many times over the last few days where i have had the following thought, "i need to blog about that." unfortunately, right now, i have no idea what any of those situations were that led me to think that.

this might have been one of those things... there is a personality test that categorizes people by the following 4 animals: lion, otter, golden retriever, beaver. One will have different levels of each one as a part of their personality makeup...

i am a lion... it didn't really come as a surprise to me when i took this a year ago... but this week at work, we had a team-building exercise when we looked at our team's personality makeup and i found a lot of it almost comical... so i had to go back and look at the whole personality profile... i sent it to a couple of friends who said they laughed a lot and picked out some comments to send back to me... like this one...

When communicating with Robyn:
Don't ask rhetorical questions or useless questions.

There are good aspects to my personality... and positive aspects of it... but this section made me a little sad, but mostly made me laugh... i sound like a total jerk... oh well.

Robyn tends to influence people by being direct, friendly and results-oriented. She may lack the patience to listen and communicate with slower acting people. She may lose interest in what others are saying if they ramble or don't speak to the point. Her active mind is already moving ahead. She challenges people who volunteer their opinions. Robyn likes people who present their case effectively. When they do, she can then make a quicker assessment or decision. Her creative and active mind may hinder her ability to communicate to others effectively. She may present the information in a form that cannot be easily understood by some people. She should exhibit more patience and ask questions to make sure that others have understood what she has said. She likes people who give her options as compared to their opinions. The options may help her make decisions, and she values her own opinion over that of others!

and to be fair, i have an "adapted" style... and in that one, my "lion-ness" is way lower...

sometimes it's not easy to look in the mirror...

speaking of mirrors... i had become weary of looking into them and not liking what i see, physically...

for the last 3 months, i have ventured to the gym on a regular basis (at least 3 times a week, except for one week off)... and no, i haven't just gone to the gym... everytime i've been there, i've been working out, too!

i am finally getting to the point where i feel like i can actually see some results...

and this week, i started walking/running on the treadmill instead of just always sticking with the elliptical... i love the elliptical, but i want to start doing some 5ks... and i realized this week (painfully) that running uses different muscles than the elliptical and that it is REALLY important to stretch before/after running... (that was an extremely painful lesson!)

there is a 5k the first weekend of may that i may try to participate in... i don't think that i will run much of it, but i at least want to get out there and start it up!

it's been really helpful to have support of others - a friend to go to the gym with, and friends and family who have been supportive in my efforts... my workout mix on my ipod is also a tremendous help!!! :)

speaking of supportive friends... i have had a few people tell me that they would love to see my name on a byline for some entertainment-type articles... so, in what little time i have in my life, i might start a tv blog... just thoughts and recaps of some of my favorite shows... and i think i might submit a few... i probably should look at the possibilities before i start... but that wouldn't be very "lion" of me... it would be a fun thing for me, though.

ok... need to go pack... due to a fun, unexpected schedule covering for me at the bux, i'm taking a mini-break with my mom... and i am very much looking forward to going away... even if it's only for 24 hours or so...

i can't believe i've put together coherent (somewhat) thoughts this early on a saturday... and without any coffee yet today (my venti mericana - as the "locals" call it... a venti americano--sometimes with a 5th shot of espresso--with cream and sugar is my current drink of choice...)

coffee and packing await... happy weekend, everyone!

the great buck howard

2009-04-11T10:02:00.002-05:00

last night k asked me if i wanted to go see the great buck howard... i hadn't heard anything about it... so she told me it had john malkovich, colin hanks, tom hanks, and steve zahn... and that it was about a washed up magician who gets his second break... i am mostly creeped out by john malkovich... but i just washed burn after reading not too long ago... and i actually liked him in that... and i like little hanks and big hanks... and steve zahn (and emily blunt, who was also in it)...

and i didn't have anything else to do last night... so off we went...

i'm wondering if the best way to go see movies is to have no expectations going in... this is the second time k has suggested a movie that i hadn't seen a preview for (the last one was slumdog millionaire - pre-oscars, btw)... and that second time that i've been really impressed...

it might not have been a great movie, but i found myself "buying in" a lot... and it was not trashy... it was one of those movies that has glimmers of goodness in it... so it won my approval...

good times, indeed...

now on to gilmore and A LOT of chores and laundry before work tonight...

p.s... after i wrote "slumdog millionaire," the song from it came on the music channel on tv... weird.

work...

2009-04-07T17:38:00.003-05:00

i'm working late - waiting on stuff to finish printing so that i can collate it... technology has been helpful this week... but it's not perfect... and until it can not only do all that i need it to concerning mail merges and duplex printing (and knowing that i need a different piece of paper for page 1 than pages 2 and 3) while making me a cup of coffee or changing the oil in my car, i will not give it my full loyalty...

and in all honesty, i would settle for the "doing everything that i need it to concerning mail merges and duplex printing with multiple types of paper" bit...

..::hold my hand::..

2009-04-02T17:24:00.003-05:00

i might be starting a new project involving a mannequin hand i recently received in the mail.

kind of like a chain letter only less involved, more fun, and a lot crazier...

here's the idea:

i will follow these steps and then send the hand to someone else who would follow the process and then send it on to someone else...

paint/decorate the nails any way you would like... no writing on the hand or altering it in such a way that would hinder the integrity of the hand...
take a photo with the hand in a prominent location in your city or town... or something that represents your city/town/state... but it should be where you live, not where you're going on vacation...
send the photo along with the location information and a clever title involving the word "hand" to [the email address i will create]...
send the hand to a friend, including the instructions of what to do with the hand...
track the progress of the hand on [blog for hand around the world or some other clever title]...

i'm wondering if it will be as fun as i think it will be... the sad part would be that i would have to part with the hand for an infinite amount of time... i'm wondering if i should buy a new hand for the project or send mine and replace it with another...

it could be a lot of fun...

what do you think? would you participate if the hand was sent to you?

weekend update.

2009-03-29T01:10:00.002-05:00

it's been a great weekend... i mean, the time is too short, but i have been incredibly thankful to spend time with some good friends... see a good show, eat some good food, watch some great tv...

it's been amazing to spend time with some people who know me and who love me...

highlights:
time with friends, in general
butch walker show
us border cantina
nashville flea market
hello kitty waffles
otter's
mckays
an incredible music swap
gilmore girls

lowlights:
the somewhat crazy weather
my feet not being prepared for long walks in flip flops yet this year
not being able to spend as much time with people as i want to

it's been a good weekend... but it's not over... and i still have a long drive tomorrow and more friends to see...

the first of what i'm sure will be many...

2009-03-06T00:24:00.003-06:00

so there are a lot of things that i want to write about... the bachelor, my bad experience today at the job, an annoying lady at the bank, potential layoffs happening soon, the song "Africa" by Toto, pandora.com, the song "Taylor the Latte Boy" by Kristin Chenowith, the interesting people at the gym that i see at least 4 times a week...

but for tonight, i will focus my attention on something that happened recently...

i was on my way to work last thursday... i had just been to the dmv where i had a minor crisis/heart attack scare/panic attack... it all worked out, and i left the dmv and drove up the road to make my way to work... i stopped at a stoplight and looked in my rearview mirror to check my makeup (i gave up putting on makeup on my way to work a month ago... so i was NOT putting on makeup - seriously.)... and i saw something that i haven't seen before...

sticking out of the top of my head (not laying down) was a greyish-white hair... not only was it being rebellious by turning a different color (that i'm not fond of), but it was also being unreasonable by sticking up rather than laying down like the rest of them...

now i know that by pulling out that one hair, i was ensuring that "2 more would grow in its place." but i am pretty sure that is 1) a lie, and 2) not something i want to think about when i have one sticking out of my head... i had lost the ability to think about it logically at that point... i also needed to make sure it was real and that i wasn't just imagining it (i am feeling older these days)...

i didn't pull it out and discard of it... instead, i carefully clutched the teenager-ish-rogue-greyish-white hair between my index finger and thumb for the rest of the car ride and all the way into the building, up the elevator and to my desk. i then placed it on a green post-it and put tape over it, much like a mother would do with a baby's curl after a first hair cut... this is one memory i don't want to forget... i want to be reminded daily that life is short... i must make the most of it... and that i must remember to buy hair color the next time i go to wal-mart.

bus driver... move that bus...

2009-02-12T18:18:00.001-06:00

it was time for my blog to have a bit of a face lift... and i guess it got a little more than a bit...

but i like it... and it could go hand in hand with my company/business ideas... so here it is...

no more simple ellipses... now i can be more defined... (of course, i will still use ellipses... but there will be a better title)

thoughts?

i still might change it up a little, but for now, i like it.

plus, now that i can see how many times i've written in a year for the last 5 years, i'm determined to write more than 15 (or 23) times this year... maybe not 274, though!

i hope to be more committed to writing in 2009 than i have been the last couple of years. we'll see how it works out.

what happened to January?

2009-02-11T18:30:00.005-06:00

January was crazy. I know people say that things are busy when they may or may not be… but january was crazy for me… between work and other obligations and some minor crises (and work being nuts because of the break), I didn’t have time to think, much less blog…

So things have slowed down considerably… and I just realized that it’s almost been two months since I stopped to put a few words on screen of what’s going on in my life… or of what I’ve been pondering…

I had a birthday. 29. I had to be at work early the day before, the day of, and the day after my birthday… and when I say early, I don’t mean 15 minutes – I mean 2 hours! Originally, I was supposed to be there at 5:30 – but after the first day, we realized I just needed to be there by 6… On any ordinary day, I’m still very much in REM sleep at 6 a.m.

But I did have a chance to celebrate my day. Friends from work made the day special, and then the night after, I went out with friends from church and had a great time. Alyssa sent me great presents from afar – a luggage tag that was shiny and pink and said “comes with baggage.” – that was my favorite – that and the disco ball car air freshener with HILARIOUS packaging…

I’m pretty sure that all my feelings of being old and more tired are just my imagination (running away with me)… but I do feel older… I am making a concentrated effort to go to the gym at least 4 times a week… I’m in week 2 and have been successful so far. (I know that’s not saying much… but if you know me, it is!)

Valentine’s Day is just a few days away… I typically hate this particular holiday… I like part of it – the simple wishing well to friends and telling people that they are important to me… and I like crafts sometimes, so hand-making holiday cards is kind of fun (if I can finish them on time!)…

But it is seriously out of control. There is so much emphasis placed on it that it makes people crazy… to hear ladies be so disappointed because their husbands won’t do enough and decorations everywhere… It’s just a lot.

Maybe I’m bitter.

I looked on Wikipedia and found some old cards that are kind of funny… and I’ll post them
below for fun.

I don’t really have anything else of note right now…

My hope is that I’ll do a better job at actually keeping up now that things have slowed down some!

on the one with the big face, it says:

"A Simpering Miss,

The smile that on your face appears,

Stretching your mouth to meet your ears,

You think, no doubt, as sweet as honey,

Whereas, dear girl, it's only funny."

that was my favorite part about it.

christmas time is here.

2008-12-17T23:05:00.002-06:00

i have been such a slacker about posting anything... i am not really sure why...

there's a quote from the movie "you've got mail" where tom hanks questions the lyrics to the joni mitchell song "river" - and he questions the meaning of the song...

man, i love that movie... and part of me really loves that song... there's just something sober about it - how in the midst of what could be such a joyous time, there is a desire to escape... i know how it feels to not really feel "in the mood of christmas" - i've been watching the movies... i get a little teary-eyed at the hallmark channel christmas movies and love the cheesy abc family ones...

i just saw that hershey kisses commercial - it's been on since i was a kid, and in so many ways, it represents the holidays for me... i managed to get the "christmas" box out of my hall closet... the one containing about a dozen ornaments, a rocking horse and my favorite decoration ever - the music box with the dancing santa/mrs. claus...

and, yet... i wish i had a river i could skate away on...

there is a part of me that gets really contemplative and isolated during the fall and the holidays... i withdraw from people a lot... and keep to myself... i can get really sad... not for any reason in particular... maybe wishing things were different... maybe having a pity party... not really sure...

i like christmas... i like helping other people and the way that everyone seems nicer... more loving, more open to others... i like the fact that it's a chance to celebrate Jesus - His life and the hope that He brought to the world...

and, yet... i wish i had a river i could skate away on...

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees.

They're putting up reindeer, and singing songs of joy and peace.

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

But it don't snow here, it stays pretty green

I'm going to make a lot of money, then I'm going to quit this crazy scene.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me, you know, he put me at ease

And he love me so naughty, made me weak in the knees.

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad

Now I've gone and lost the best baby that I ever had.

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly.

Oh, I wish I had a river

I made my baby say goodbye.

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees.

They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

nanny jo...

2008-11-01T00:12:00.009-05:00

since the first time i was told i looked like jo frost aka supernanny, i've wanted to dress up like her for halloween... i hadn't ever really looked for a purple suit or the right kind of shoes, but i thought that it would be impossible...

this afternoon, i thought i'd give it a chance... i went to the goodwill that is close to my apartment... it was about 3:45 or so... in less than 30 minutes, i left with all but one element of the costume in hand - and all for about $10... i was so excited about it... it's not all "perfect," but it's really close - and it was inexpensive... i think it was a pretty amazing occurrence to find a purple suit that (almost) fit... and shoes that fit - all at a goodwill store that, to be honest, wasn't very full of quality stuff... i did see this random pair of pointy-toed heels that were neon pink and made out of the same material as jellies were made out of in the 80's... and recently... i almost bought them, but wondered when i would actually have a need for them...

i think the only time i'll have use for this purple suit and these shoes are when i feel like dressing up as jo...

here are pictures:

did you ever watch friends? no, i don't have cable.

2008-10-12T23:42:00.004-05:00

last thursday, i was working at sbux... this guy walked in and in typical sbux fashion, we asked him what he wanted us to start for him. he informed us that he was waiting on someone... he looked rather impatient, grabbed his cell phone and made a call...

some time later (i kind of forgot about him), he was joined by a young woman... and they ordered drinks and then sat down and started drinking their coffee and talking... i like to observe people a lot of the time... and i realized rather quickly that this was either a first date or very very early on in the relationship... i later learned through minor eavesdropping (while i was on my break) that this was the first time they had met - but knew each other through some online dating site...

i mentioned it to the people i was working with - they agreed that they thought it was a first date and we were all watching them... we quickly got irritated at how much the guy was talking... and were thinking of ways to help the girl to have an "out."

i laughed a lot as i watched these two interact... the awkward exchange between the two... he talked A LOT... and she laughed awkwardly and a little too long at things that really weren't that funny... seeing people on a first date is one of my favorite things ever and it happens from time to time at sbux... there's just an expected awkwardness as two people sit down and try to get to know each other with questions and answers... nothing too personal, but more than just surface questions...

i sometimes wonder what people think when they might overhear my conversations and watch my interactions... i'm sure it's pretty hilarious... they may even be writing about me on their blog... i can only imagine... how ridiculous...

i have nothing good for a sunday night... and i didn't even develop that story well... i also, at some point, would like to talk about the lady who lives downstairs and has plastic on her furniture... will i be her someday?

need sleep.

Is flipping a coin an acceptable means of making major decisions?

2008-10-02T19:55:00.002-05:00

I put in notice at my job at sbux. I’ve been asked to consider staying… not sure what I’m going to do at this point… it would be nice to continue getting 2 paychecks every Friday, even if one is considerably smaller than the other. In a month or two, I’d be getting a special Christmas t-shirt. Also, the discount is nice for buying Christmas presents at 30% off is a nice perk. Plus, I would only have to work 12 hours a week (total – all the time)… which would be a welcome change to the 23 I’m putting in this week. The bad part is that I would still be working 3 jobs… and I’m tired… really really tired…

Heads? Tails?

The presidential election is coming up in a short time. I am registered to vote, but I don’t have a decision set in stone at this point. I don’t talk about politics often because I usually get mad… and it’s not worth it to me. I think there are pros and cons to both sides… I’m not asking for anyone else’s view… and I’m not asking for your opinion about whether or not you think I’m going to Hell because there is a chance I might be voting for Obama. It’s just one more decision I have to make soon… and I don’t know what I’m going to… maybe flip a coin… sounds logical to me…

Paper? Rock? Scissors?

Now for something completely different…

Do you know who judge reinhold is? (beckie, I’m sure you do.) He was in fast times at ridgemont high… Beverly hills cop, the santa clause (yes, with tim allen – he’s the stuffy psychiatrist step-dad)… (and still some people don’t know who I’m talking about)…

Well, evidently he lives in little rock part of the time and he came into sbux last week when I was working… I was so so so excited! (I didn’t hide it – very well, anyway.) We had a good conversation and talked about his upcoming show on the cw – easy money. I will be watching (or at least tivo-ing) and would encourage you to, as well… I mean, I want him to keep earning money so that he can continue to come to sbux when he’s in town…

And speaking of tivo… I finally got dvr!!!! It’s not tivo – but it’s still dvr… I guess I’m finally catching up with the rest of the world… now if I can just get an iPod and a better tv… I got an off-brand chi that I do feel is still a VERY good buy and about 1/3 the cost of a chi – and it is working wonders on my insanely long and not-so-easy-to-manage hair…

Seriously… if you want to invest in the “buy-robyn-an-ipod-fund,” I don’t have a problem with it at all.

And one more complete change of subject…

I love Christ church. For anyone who knows me, they know I talk about it all the time… but I’m getting more excited about seeing how it will grow and how it will take a different shape as our Abba chooses to add people to our little flock… and how their gifts will make our body stronger and how they will help care for us… and how we can care for them… plus, I’m excited about the addition of two new little ones who will be joining us soon… and how we, as a body, will help them grow up to be followers of Christ…

Even though life is sometimes hard, things are good…

country road, take me home to the place i belong, west virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country road...

2008-09-23T23:27:00.002-05:00

tonight after church, the room was kind of a-flutter with activity... people, grouped up in small groups sharing life with each other... talking about the things that are going on in their lives and praying together... it's one of my favorite things about church...

tonight was different, though... i ended up sitting next to chris and everyone else was in groups... he grabbed a guitar and started playing songs from the days at central... songs that have a lot of memories tied in with them... some of my favorite songs... songs that remind me of a time when faith seemed more simple and also more complex...

obedience always seemed so easy back then... and at the same time, i think i made some things way more complicated than they needed to be... trying to put on my game face because i would think that's what everyone wanted to see...

now, for me, sometimes i think the thing people most need to see are the places where i am vulnerable... the places that make me real... not the mask... one of the songs we sang was "find me in the river" - and it always brings tears to my eyes when i sing it... "find me in the river, find me there, find me on my knees with my soul laid bare, even though you're gone and i'm cracked and dry, find me in the river... i'm waiting here."

i do feel a bit cracked and dry lately... like i'm not where i need to be... i don't put on the game face with the people i go to church with... but sometimes, i don't expose my true vulnerability... i remain quiet, thinking it's easier not to open up than to show all the junk... to admit that sometimes i hurt and feel lonely... that i mess up and make mistakes... that i'm not perfect.

then, after we sang some of those, chris got out the 12-string and started playing john denver songs... and there's something about the chorus of "take me home, country road" that gets me... no clue what it is... but it gets to me... i love it... i love the thought of going home... and the idea that seems to follow the song that he's going home to someone...

i know these thoughts are disjointed somewhat... i really just needed to write again... i like it being a part of my routine... and i need to practice... because right now it's all a little messy.

1) tina fey is my hero... 2) josh groban is working his way up the list...

2008-09-21T21:57:00.004-05:00

so i was at home... instead of doing laundry, i watched the emmy's... occasionally, during breaks, i cleaned...

at least i got one thing quasi-accomplished...

here are my thoughts...

i loved the josh groban singing 30 theme song bit... my favorite was the transition from "we finally got a piece of the pie..." to "i'll be ready..." complete with the dramatic slo-mo-ish baywatch lifeguard re-enactment...

i also loved tina fey's quote in one of her acceptance speeches - "i thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. well done." whatever... she's hilarious...

i wondered how kathy griffin could possibly be upstaged/considered normal and appropriate... enter: don rickles... seriously.

p.s. the weekend was fabulous... i was really excited about asu winning another game... now... we need to beat memphis next weekend... it was great to spend time with friends... i laughed a lot... and realized how great my friends are... i would totally back them up in a fist fight if i needed to... i'm just saying.

he said, 'it's all in your head,' and i said, 'so's everything,' but he didn't get it...

2008-09-17T23:15:00.002-05:00

my life is busy. i hate to say that... but it just is... i have some great stories to tell, but tonight, i'm opting for sleep over stopping to write them out...

it's all in my head, so hopefully, someday i'll have an opportunity to share...

until then, dear friends, be well.

i was right...

2008-06-25T08:25:00.001-05:00

last night was incredible...

thank you, as always, christ church for being who you are...

i need you...

haha - you need me, too...

tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was i think, a big success.

2008-06-24T16:55:00.000-05:00

today has been a day... to say the least... i'm worn out and the day isn't over...

luckily, tonight is a tuesday night... and that means i get to spend some precious time with some of the most precious people i've ever known...

it will be good...

i'm ready...

then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"

2008-06-14T22:32:00.004-05:00

i guess God is the best prankster...

i hate being up early in the morning... if i've stayed up late and know that i can sleep all day, it's one thing... but when i have to get up and go to work at 5:00 a.m., i pretty much hate life... i don't sleep well, if at all, the night before most of the time... and last night was no different...

i slept less than an hour at one point and woke up about 1 a.m. or so... it's all kind of a blur... and i slept from about 3:00 until 4:45, i think... at 4:45, i got up, dressed for work and walked out the door at 4:55, which is plenty of time for me to get to work...

the weather was bad last night... a lot of lightning and thunder and really heavy rains and evidently pretty strong winds...

i walked downstairs and through sleepy eyes, this is what i see...

i thought i might be able to get out, but to no avail...

Never fear, someone came to pick me up for work, so i made it... but it was one of those things that i thought, "really, did this happen to me?" another great story...

btw... the dumpster traveled about 50-60 feet... luckily it didn't hit my car...

connected...

2008-06-01T22:49:00.003-05:00

a couple of my friends asked if i wanted to get lunch... they suggested layla's - the greek restaurant close to sbux... i didn't really feel like greek food today, but decided it was an okay option... i would just get pizza...

the owners of layla's love americanos from sbux, so when we got to layla's, i asked them if they wanted anything from sbux and the lady did...

i walked over to sbux and got one of my friends to give me a tall americano... i took it back over to layla's, gave it to the lady, sat down with my friends, ordered and ate lunch... it was great food, but i had more than enough left over... i asked for a box, knowing full well that i hate leftovers and that the pizza would probably go bad before i would think about eating the rest of it...

then, i found out that they weren't going to charge me for my lunch because of my efforts in bringing them coffee...

i left all the cash i had with me for a tip (about $3.75) and then took my leftovers and walked out... i went back to sbux to get something to drink... i'm stuck on this new drink and i'm trying to figure out how to tweak it to make it perfect...

and then i realized that 2 of the girls who are working now have been talking about food... so i offer them my leftovers... and they ask if i want something to drink... since i've given them my leftovers, they give me my drink as a partner beverage... (cost = $0)

it totally made me feel connected... by 2:00 this afternoon, i was well-fed and full of caffeine... all at no cost to me... except my tip - which was just more to be nice than anything... i felt so cool... (for the record... i know i'm not... i just loved the way it all worked out...)

the barter system could really work...

sushi and butch walker...

2008-05-24T16:52:00.002-05:00

if i could do anything tonight, i would go eat sushi and watch a butch walker show...

here are the problems:

1) butch walker doesn't come to little rock - i don't know if he ever will...

2) well, #1 was really the only problem...

i'd settle for another kind of food and a different show... maybe i'll wander down to riverfest...

but it'd be so great to see butch walker...

do they have support group meetings for insomniacs?

2008-05-21T00:15:00.002-05:00

if they did, would the meetings be in the middle of the night? or would that just encourage it?

just curious...

i don't know what it is about me that feels the need to stay up late... i have no reason for being up less than 8 hours before i have to be a fully-aware-and-responsible adult at work tomorrow... but then again, i could probably stay up for a few more hours and be okay...

but i would hate my life tomorrow...

i wish everything ran on my time... that would make my life a lot easier... i wouldn't have to worry about the fact that i woke up late this morning and have to figure out a way to work late or through lunch some either tomorrow or sometime this week to make up for time lost today...

i want to write about something productive... instead, because of the time of day when i finally get to the computer with intentions to write, all i can think about is how i should already be in bed and how i need sleep to function the next day -- and how i'm not accomplishing or achieving said sleep because i want to do something creative...

i'm writing a book... i've talked about it before... but i've never really taken it all that seriously... i think i'm going to now... i don't know if it will end up being one of those "bucket list by 30" items for me or not... but i figure that now is as good of a time as any to do something creative with my life and time... we'll see... writing down my thoughts is one thing... going through the process of making it all flow together is quite another thing... getting it published is an even bigger thing... wish me luck. remind me of good stories we've shared... i have a lot in my head, but i am sure there are some i'm forgetting...

growth vs. growing up...

2008-05-15T23:21:00.003-05:00

sometimes i wish i could measure specific growth in my life... whether it's personal or spiritual... i wish that it was like the pencil lines on the inside of the downstairs hall closet... that it would be tangible... specific...

i think there are some areas in my life where i'm growing... and i like being able to realize that i've grown, but i HATE the growth process... i hate the "growing up" part... i never experienced growing pains... the actual physical pain that comes with some growth - or at least i don't think i did... but it makes me think back to some times in life that there was a lot of pain or suffering... and how it was much easier to focus on the pain and suffering than the outcome... and now, sure, it is easy to look back and understand... but in the midst of it, it's just more complicated than that...

i was thankful when caleb came to christ church a few weeks ago... his words will continue to be something that i want to measure my life by... in talking about a possibility of him having a life-altering condition (negative), he said, "if i have it, i'm going to praise Him. if i don't have it, i'm going to praise Him. my praise should not be dependent upon the circumstances. i have a 50/50 chance of having this disease, but 100% chance of being in God's will."

i wish i lived my life with that mentality... ouch... growing pain...

these are really disjointed thoughts... i originally sat down to write, "i can't believe i'm up late again - hopefully i'll be in bed by midnight" and ended up with this... i guess it's something i needed to sort through...

my favorite scene in grey's anatomy tonight was when meredith looked at christina and said, "are you in a dark place? i am, too." and there was this understanding of life being messy and not necessarily wanting to be happy... i get it. but i'm not in a dark place right now... but i do appreciate the friends who get the dark and messy parts of my world.

still dumb...

2008-05-15T00:25:00.002-05:00

i just read over my last entry... and i was lucky with 6 hours of sleep... last night it was 5... but it was well worth it...

even though i was a zombie today... and i realized at lunch that i hadn't really eaten meat in a few days... and i wondered if that added to my weariness... i felt ravenously hungry...

and now i'm up late again... i've been on the phone, sharing stories and living life...

i'm really glad that tomorrow is thursday and that thursday is next to friday...

i have to get some sleep...

We sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

2008-05-13T00:04:00.000-05:00

i need sleep... in fact, i should have been in bed 2 hours ago... i should plan on a full 8 hours every night... i should not stay up and do teenager-ish or college-ish behavior-type things... and yet, i don't always do the things i should do... where is the fun in that?

so instead of going to bed at 10-something, i called a friend... i needed to get out of my apartment... i didn't want to sit at home and i didn't want to be left alone with me... and i convinced my friend to go hang out with me... i ate food that is not good for me too late in the night... i know it's bad for me... i know that eating after 9:00 (is it 9, still?) is bad... at least i drank water... and i did blame part of it on the fact that i didn't really have dinner and i was told to eat good meals and drink a lot of water because i'm giving blood tomorrow (or at least attempting)...

but none of that is really the point...

i love that right now i can do ridiculous things like go eat breakfast at 10:00 p.m. i like that i have other friends (who are mostly younger than me) who will put up with my whims and actually meet me for breakfast at 10:00 p.m. i know this will not always be the norm in my life... i know that someday, and to be honest, it's most days already, i will not have the desire to go eat breakfast at crazy hours... i mean, when i was in college, 10 was early... i know that eventually, all my friends will be married and will no longer have time to go out on a whim... maybe i will even be in that situation someday...

i guess the thing i am realizing the older i get and the faster time passes is that it's important to stop and embrace life before it slips out of our hands...

tonight i was thankful for conversations about life and grandmas and theology and well, even boys... all over some runny eggs... for the fact that it was both a possibility and a reality...

but for now, i need sleep... i don't know that i'll get quite enough to make me "pretty" but if i don't get to bed now, i'll be fighting with the inevitable "opposite of pretty" in the morning - both physical and emotional... and i don't want to kill my crazy friends tomorrow... so 6 hours of sleep, maybe 6 and a half will just have to do...

it's about time...

2008-05-11T17:57:00.000-05:00

so i FINALLY got a mac!! i love it!

i also love being able to pick up the wireless network from the hotel across the street... even if i do have to lay on the floor between my living room and office to pick it up... i don't mind so much!!!

lately i've been intrigued by the show jon and kate plus eight - it makes my blood pressure rise every time i watch it... too many kids and crazy and crazy... there is something to be said for her organizational skills... i can't imagine trying to manage their household... so i guess it's good that it is their life and not mine...

life is good... work is good... i feel like there are a lot of possibilities, but i'm not sure how it's all going to work out... so i'm just taking life one day at a time and making it work...

so that's it...

there is a jon and kate plus eight marathon on... gotta go... may need some meds later, though...

the girl with one brown shoe...

2008-04-10T23:57:00.000-05:00

so this morning was a bit crazy... i woke up late (staying up late is a huge problem for me)... and i couldn't find my keys when i needed to find my keys... (i had to go through the whole process of thinking about where i had them last... i came home from work and probably put them on the kitchen counter... not there... not on the desk or the bar between the kitchen and office... oh, that's right, i went and got cds out of the car... maybe they're by my cds... nope, underneath the cds...) see how crazy my mind is?

in light of all of that, i was rushing around... and i quickly slipped my left foot into my cute little round-toed black heel... and then slipped my foot into my other little round-toed black heel, or so i thought...

i leave for work, clomp down the stairs (i still haven't mastered walking down stairs in heels)... hop (literally) into my car and leave for work... hit the red lights, get caught up in traffic due to a wreck... all that...

i pull up to the building 10 minutes late, but in enough time to be on time for departmental prayer... as i'm getting out of my car, i look down and realize i'm not wearing the right cute little round-toed black heel, but the cute little pointy-toed brown heel instead!!

too late to go home and change... and after waiting on the elevator for too long, i ended up being late to departmental prayer... not so good for the first week...

and with mismatched shoes, to boot (man, i'm glad i didn't mistake a boot for my black heel... that would have been REALLY embarassing!!!)

i'm pretty sure this was the first time this has happened... i only told a few people and i don't know if anyone else noticed... if they did, they didn't say anything... at least to my face...

dang. i'm probably like the "special" girl at work now...

i don't like mornings!!!

you might as well live.

2008-04-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

i got the best package in the mail yesterday... there is something so amazing about walking up to my front door and seeing a big white or yellow envelope smushed between the glass door and the regular door... it's happened twice in the last two weeks...

this time it was a fun envelope of goodness from my dear friend who lives in texas... a mixtape and another cd with over the rhine songs... and a few other little goodies... she might be the most creative person i have ever known...

here are some things that are going on with me...

1) it's raining outside (rain, not men)... kind of a nasty day, but sometimes i just like those...

2) today is my last day of work at heritage... monday i start a new job with new opportunities and new challenges... i'm really excited about it... i'm hanging up my professional graphic designer/artist jersey and going to the less creative, more logical side of a career... i'll be a process coordinator in the donor relations department at familylife... don't know what that is? i don't either... it's something to do with lots of copy editing and details and deadlines... a few things i'm good at, in addition to being creative every now and then... here's a secret about me... i love excel spreadsheets... and using 10-key... sincerely...

3) i won tickets on the radio yesterday morning to go see brian regan... i have never seen him, but i have heard REALLY good things about him... i knew that he was coming and even contemplating going when i would have to buy a ticket... then i won 2... so i'm trying to figure out who to take with me... plus, i won tickets on the radio!!! it makes me think of the guy in one crazy summer who tries to win something on the radio... and he sits in that crazy room... i just called twice - once it was busy, then i was caller #9...

4) i've gotten in the habit of staying up REALLY late and it's not a good thing... why i was up until 2 a.m. watching romy and michelle's high school reunion last night or 2 a.m. watching kate and leopold is beyond me... maybe having a tv in my room is a bad thing!

5) i feel a good list has 5 things... so... my friend wende is coming in town to visit this weekend... i am excited to see my friend and to have house-guests... but i'm also not used to sharing my space... i have more cleaning to do... ugh...

oh - and tomorrow i have the day off... hooray for a 3-day weekend!!!

april is looking pretty good right about now!

And now the times are changin', Look at everything that's come and gone... those were the best days of my life...

2008-02-12T10:26:00.000-06:00

every now and then, a friend comes along... and the word "friendship" doesn't quite begin to define the relationship... it's more than friendship... it's a kindred-spirit kind of relationship... and time can change it, but never kill it... there's something comforting about knowing that regardless of how much time passes that we will always be friends... and we will always have fun...

and somehow, the fun just gets better and better...

i really didn't know i could have that much fun on a monday night...

now if only we lived in the same town...

they say it's your birthday... well, it's my birthday, too...

2008-01-29T09:41:00.000-06:00

i love birthdays... sometimes i forget how much i love them... but i do...

except for the rain that was only bad when i decided to walk out from underneath the shelter of the upstairs landing and put a huge damper on the time spent actually fixing my hair this morning... it has been a spectacular day and it's only 9:42... i won't let rain get me down...

and last night wasn't bad either...

here are the thank yous so far:

1) thank you, hot stranger, for wishing me happy birthday last night... for being observant and overhearing my conversations...

2) thank you, starbucks friends, for throwing me a party this morning including cake AND candles... you don't know how much you mean to me... seeing you in the mornings is the highlight of my day...

3) thank you, wende jackson, for calling me right at 12:00 a.m. to sing happy birthday to me...

4) thank you, alyssa sellers, for my favorite birthday card ever...

5) thank you, countless others, for comments and messages and cards and presents...

i've kind of decided 28 is going to be the best year... i have never felt such love and warmth and friendship by so many people all at once as i do here... and today...

Oh, Mexico, It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low...

2008-01-21T13:52:00.000-06:00

So… I went to Mexico…

I haven't gone on a mission trip where I was strictly a participant in over 4 years. Initially, when I heard about the trip, I thought that it was out of the question. Originally, it was going to be a longer trip and I knew I didn't have the vacation time to go… even though I wanted to…

Then things started changing and I know that God was working on my heart. The trip was shortened to just a few days and the cost was just about manageable. I decided that it was dumb for me not to consider it and almost as quickly as I was considering, I knew I was going to be on the trip…

Then the price was reduced by an amazing amount and everything worked out brilliantly… I love it when that happens…

So we left for mexico early on the morning of dec. 27… we drove, which is pretty amazing (to and from mexico and 2 days there in 4 days’ time)… there were 8 of us all together… mostly people I knew pretty well and a few others who I got to know a lot more over the course of 4 days…

We drove to Laredo on Thursday night, and then drove into mexico on Friday morning… our plan was to go and deliver Christmas gifts (clothes, shoes, and toys) to children and teenagers who live at an orphanage in Sabinas Hidalgo, Mexico… we didn't know how we would be received. Besides the fact that there is a language barrier, there could be emotional barriers with the kids. Sometimes kids who have had rough upbringings could be distant with thick walls around them… since we didn't know where these kids were coming from emotionally, we didn't know how it would go that first day…

There was a huge part of me that felt the way I did when I lived in East Asia… in fact, when I would take a picture, I would actually start to count in Chinese the way we would when we took pictures there… and I think I said, "thank you" in Chinese about 20 times an hour… I didn't know why… I guess it was the result of having those words so engrained into my brain when I was out of my own language and culture…

When we drove up, the kids came running up… we were immediately met with smiles and hugs and love and friendship… instantly, it became a time of play and laughter and all-around good times…

We played for the rest of the day and that night… and we gave them their Christmas gifts that night… it was great to see their faces light up, not only at the thought of getting gifts, but just of having new friends and a bunch of crazy Americans to play with…

It felt like we had been there for about 5 days by the next day. We spent some time sightseeing and then came back for lunch and to play some more. During the afternoon, the director brought us inito the office and told us the back stories on most of the kids… some of the stories were pretty basic, but some of the kids have had it really rough their entire lives… it was amazing to think of how open and welcoming some of them were based on their past experiences… we were thankful not to have known the backstories initially so our first encounters could be pure with no tainted opinions based on their pasts.

We played the rest of the day and then went to church with them that night… during church, I sat next to kimara… one of the girls that had won my heart… she was a teenager (14, I think…) and during church, she wrote on my hand, “robyn is my best friend.” Before church, we sat by the fountain and she showed me some of her favorite bible passages and I showed her some of mine… it was pretty incredible to watch her turn to passages that had such depth and talked so much about fear and loneliness… two things that I struggle with a lot… and to see our favorite verses line up so well… at one point, we were reading the same passage… Isaiah 43 together… kimara in spanish and I was reading in english… what a beautiful sound…

After church, we knew that it was almost time for the kids to go to bed, which meant the end of seeing them… we left early the next morning before anyone was awake… so, it meant for a lot of hugs and tears…

We left before any of the kids had gotten up… All in all it was a good trip… I walked away learning a few things and remembering a few more…

1) I learned and remembered the simple joys of “play” – how fun it is just to play and laugh and how that literally knocks down language barriers. It makes me think of the song “It’s a small world” – a smile means friendship to everyone. Cheesy, yes, but it’s easy enough and it’s true…

2) I felt the presence of God when I heard Norma’s laugh… there was something so pure and incredible about her giggle…

3) Sometimes ministry is pushing a swing… it doesn’t have to be hard or complex… just meeting a need… which is sometimes allowing others to feel at ease and just to have fun and experience joy…

4) Simple grace… accepting someone by giving them a hug, or letting a child sit in your laugh or having a child grab your belly by surprise as he says in his best santa claus deep voice, “HO! HO! HO! SOY SANTA CLAUS” is sometimes just as powerful as saying something deep about theological ideas…

5) One of the things that I said (jokingly) while I was there a few times was, “how do you say ‘self-esteem’ in Spanish?” – sometimes doing ministry and being real means looking really dumb… and that’s okay.

I don’t know that I can put any more into words… that’s all I’ve got for today… but I’m glad I got to go and experience it… I was really grateful to get out of my world for a few days and remember the joy that I used to feel about world missions… not that it’s gone… it’s just been a long time…

that ain’t no etch-a-sketch... this is one doodle that can’t be undid, homeskillet...

2008-01-13T23:58:00.000-06:00

i have decided i'm going to be better at writing... here are a few topics i want to write about over the next few weeks... i'm hoping to get to all of them before the end of the month...

1) mexico: a reflection

2) 2007: a wrap-up

3) my new apartment: a portrait

4) movies i've seen recently: a review

5) bingo night: a story

i think there are others... but those are the big ones...

but all of them will have to wait... i'm determined to get to bed before midnight for the first time in over a week... (it will actually be the first time in over a week that i'll be in bed before 2 a.m.)
so get ready for some upcoming words and thoughts...

100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!

2007-12-26T13:12:00.000-06:00

i leave for mexico in less than 24 hours...

i don't think i've ever felt as ill-prepared for a trip as i do this one... i mean, i haven't brushed up on what little spanish i might have acquired in 9th and 10th grade... i haven't done laundry, which means i haven't packed... i haven't prayed as much as i should have at this point... i haven't even thought about whether or not i need to worry about currency (until just now)...

i know all of it will fall into place... i know that everything will be better than fine... i guess that's why i'm not worried about any of it... i suppose i should be... but i'm not... i'm mostly excited that i get to use my passport again before it expires in may... i guess i should look at getting it renewed... i'd love to have a different passport picture than the one i have right now...

i am really excited about going, though... i'm excited about travelling with people... spending hours in a van full of people that are dear to me... and about seeing some precious children who i get to play with and love on... not to mention a couple of days outside of my world... the one filled with too much work and minor and not-so-minor frustrations...

should be good... pictures to come soon...

all i want for christmas is you...

2007-12-18T15:19:00.000-06:00

i love that song, btw... but this post is not necessarily related to it...

here is the beginning of a list of things i think i suck at sometimes (some of them are things i think i suck at all the time...)

1) relationships (all of them)
2) words
3) life
4) following Christ
5) accepting grace and the free gifts God has given me

lately, i've been struggling with relationships and also the concept of accepting God's free gifts... i know i've received salvation, but i think that there are so many other good things He has for me... and they're sitting there wrapped under the tree... but it's like i'm afraid of them or i don't know what to do with them or i feel like i don't deserve them...

so, a dear friend of mine encouraged me to read through John in an attempt to examine Jesus' relationships... all of them, through John's eyes...

i started the other night and have still only made it through verses 1-2...

"in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God."

there was a reference from vs. 1 to Phil 2:6... "who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped"

this stopped me in my tracks... i am still baffled by that idea. Jesus didn't consider equality with God a thing to be grasped... what? for real? my journal is filled with pages of notes... all mixed up... "yes, Jesus does what the Father wills... in the garden, he said, 'not my will, but yours be done.' but really... Jesus is perfect. He is God... it's another trinity concept i can't grasp..."

so, then, i get to verse 2 and there was a reference to 1 john 1:2, "the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us."

which leaves me with this. Word = Jesus = Life... which reminds me of John 6:63. "The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life."

so i'm blown away by all of this... but there is a simplicity in it, as well... so i'm just trying to figure it all out... when my pastor says, "what is the relationship of the Father to the Son?" and i can't even scratch the surface of that... like i don't get it or something... and then Chris takes it one step further and says, " okay... here's your free gift... 'as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you...' what do you do with that? what does that look like?"

and i'm still wrestling... Jesus loves me the same way the Father loves Him... it seems like it should be so easy... like a teeny-bopper love song... but it's not... and they are more than mere words...

part of me finds comfort in knowing that i can never fully know God and His thoughts... yet He knows me fully, gets my thoughts and still offers me presents...

this probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me... but then again, i'm probably the only one who will even see it...

sleepy eyes, part 2...

2007-12-17T07:30:00.000-06:00

i guess it's the same song, second verse...

my eyes are way sleepier today than friday... that's what going to bed at 2:45 a.m. and getting up at 6 a.m. for work will do to a person... and there's a fun story behind it that i just can't share on a public arena...

why am i dumb?

however, my barista-friends (whose names i now know) provided me with a most wonderful triple-grande-cinnamon-dolce-latte... and on accident, he rung it up as a partner beverage... fyi... that means it's free...

i don't think i could love him more if i tried... i should have gotten a venti...

and i think i will be annoyed with the piped-in music at my office soon... it's a lot more noticeable when no one is here... it sounds like phantom of the opera but it's christmas music...

i guess i should get some work done... that was the reason i came in early... :)...

sleepy eyes...

2007-12-14T07:11:00.000-06:00

my hair is curled and i have makeup on...

i'm wearing heels...

and i left for work before the sun actually came up...

thank you, barista-friends, for my coffee and with an extra discount... you're in the process of saving my life...

done....

2007-12-03T08:30:00.000-06:00

here's what i miss about nashville:

a handful of relationships that are being nurtured and maintained on both sides...
the skyline...
a few fun places to hang out...

here's what i don't miss about nashville:

pretty much everything else...

i think i was able to do what i needed to do while i was there last weekend... i'm glad to be home. i'm glad to know who cares. i'm glad to have an incredible church family who loves me. i'm glad that i was wise enough to leave when i did. i'm glad i don't ever want to move back there. i'm glad it didn't feel like home. i'm glad i didn't feel welcome. i'm glad the pancake pantry is still great. i'm glad amy helped me move because if she hadn't, i would have died. i'm glad i wasn't completely alone. i'm glad i felt happy when i was back in little rock. i'm glad that i was met with lots of hugs and smiling faces. i'm glad those hugs and faces had strong arms to help me unload the trailer in record speed.

that's it...

on a completely separate note... i'm loving christmas music these days... pretty much the whole christmas season... maybe it's working at starbucks with the red cups... i love them... and the green and blue sleeves... and the red shirts with the green aprons... and all of that...

i get by with a little help from my friends...

2007-11-07T22:14:00.001-06:00

i want to make a music video with my friends... but i never will... i'm just not that cool...

i write about friendship a lot... i am not exactly sure why that is... i have guesses, but i don't really know why i do so much...
so, here's another essay on friendship, with a twist... i'm sure it will not shed any new light on the concept of friendship, but writing costs way less than therapy, so here i am, upon a beautiful leather couch (in my head)...

2 concepts… I have written about them numerous times…

1) "it happens sometimes… friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant… "
I got to spend some time this week with a friend I haven't seen in years… at one point, we were inseparable… someone told us during our friendship that even though it seems like the friends you have in high school will remain your best friends throughout life, it just doesn't happen… of course, we wouldn't listen to him… even though he was right… however, last night, sitting at that table, having our dessert and drinks, it was apparent to me that, no, we might not be best friends anymore but she still is a part of my life… I suspect we will always be friends, if for no other reason than the fact that her friendship is part of my history… I'm really proud of who she is… and we agreed that even though we don't talk as much as we should that time together was fun and not a chore… that even though we've been through completely different experiences, we are, in fact, still the same people… just a bit more jaded and cynical…

2) "friends of choice vs. friends of convenience…"
I think about this a lot… last night I thought about it at church with relation to paul and aquila and priscilla (acts 18)… sometimes I have friends in my life who are friends because it's convenient… it sounds awful, I know… but in the numerous times I've moved, it's inevitable that I've had friendships that were only for a season… it was convenient to be friends with jenny because we were roommates and now that we're not, I have no idea where she lives or what she is doing… most of the time these friendships of convenience are kind of understood… like it kind of makes sense that once someone moves away that things won't be the same, for the most part…

friends of choice are much deeper friendships… regardless of moves and changes, an effort is made on each part to remain friends… to keep up with what is going on… to truly practice the art of kindness and patience and listening and giving and laughter (my favorite parts of friendship) and all the other stuff…

what I've never experienced until this move are friends who I thought were friends of choice who have dismissed me as friends of convenience… and it may be that I've just become too cynical or frustrated… but I give up… One of my favorite John Cusack set of quotes is, "I draw the line at 7 unreturned phone calls..." "This is my 8th and final call…" well, I have drawn the line… and then even called once more… but I'm really done… it's a sad day when you realize you were the friend of convenience… and it wasn't a silent understanding or even an understanding at all...

on a somewhat similar note... i hung out with 2 friends from church the other night (actually, i hang out with friends from church a lot and i always have a good time), and it was amazing and so fun... we laughed a lot and it was truly effortless... i know i'm not alone... i know friendships fade sometimes, but i'm thankful that there are new friends when the old ones decided i'm not worth their time...

maybe we should make a music video... somebody bring the camera... i'll bring the soundtrack...

Well, then I shall convert them, I am the Jehovah's coffee girl.

2007-08-19T21:25:00.000-05:00

when i lived in washington, i drank more coffee than i seem to these days... it could have been that there was a huge abundance of starbucks locations nearby to both my home and to work... i know it seems like nashville has a ton of starbucks locations around... but here's the truth...

from my job in washington: within a 2-mile radius there were 7 starbucks stores... within a 5-mile radius, there were 22...

from my job in franklin: within a 2-mile radius there are no starbucks stores, and within a 5-mile radius, there are 7...

from my apartment in nashville: 2-mile radius - 0, 5-mile radius - 8

from my apartment in washington: 2-mile radius - 2, 5-mile radius - 8

those are just a few facts... not to mention, i passed multiple locations on my 10-15 minute commute to work in wa, and i don't pass a single location on my 20-25 minute commute to work here...

so i drank more coffee... it's not that i like it any less here, but it's not as much of a habit... i can count the number of times i've had starbucks this month on one hand... i don't know if it's just because i don't drive by locations very much at all... but it would be out of the way for me to go now... and i only go on occasion these days...

but none of this is really the point of the story... one of the reasons that i think i went to starbucks so much in vancouver was because of starbucks jason... he was my coffee guy... when i first met him, he worked at the store right down the street from my office... he was so nice and friendly... and he knew what i wanted when i went in... and he did an excellent job of making my coffee... so we got to be friends, sort-of... then he switched stores, and as it was sort-of on my way to and from work, i switched stores... i liked the feeling of knowing i could walk in and get exactly what i wanted, and see a friendly face... and most of the time if they weren't busy, he'd even come around and give me a hug... if you know anything about northwest culture, you know that doesn't happen...

and the thing about starbucks jason is that he was like that with a ton of people... one day my boss and i were chatting and i said something about "the guy that works at starbucks" and how great he was that i felt like he knew me and he always knew what i wanted... i think it was a discussion with relation to the church... and he said, "jason?" - he was friends with jason, too... and i think the best part about it was that it felt good to be known... it seemed like (and i think it's true that) jason really cared about people... that he really did care about my boss and about me... and he really loved knowing people and making them feel at ease...

at this point, i could switch and start talking about the body of christ and how encouraging and freeing it is to be around people who are not only familiar with who i am, but who really know me... a group of people who know what makes my heart beat a little faster and who would be like the believers in acts who had "all things in common" - not because they are all alike but because they share a similar passion and vision...

but this is not a discussion about the church this time...

it became apparent that starbucks jason was great at what he does... makes people feel at ease, is friendly and is obviously good enough to score repeat customers... customers who think he is great and remember his name... to this day, i still don't know starbucks jason's last name... i don't know where he grew up or what his favorite book is... i used to know a few things through random discussion... but i can't really remember... i remember what he looks like and that when he would see me, he would smile really big... maybe because it was encouraging to him to see somebody familiar... someone that he knew would be excited to see him, too...

and i missed him this week... he was brought to my mind and i missed the feeling of a familiar stranger... especially one who makes great coffee... on friday i was still housesitting and i could easily go just a bit out of the way for starbucks and even get to go through a drive-thru, which is especially helpful in starbucks runs... so i went through and had "a moment" with the guy who worked there... it was really fun... we both kind of laughed and bid each other "good days" and i thought, for a moment, "could he be my new starbucks jason?" too bad that location is not extremely convenient for my morning routine...

i think i really just want to be known... i am fully aware that starbucks jason doesn't know me... but he knew me well enough to know when he hadn't seen me in a while or that the coffee he made me was my favorite and that he added joy to my day... and that was really enough... and i hope that i can be starbucks jason to someone... and that maybe, in return, i'll find another starbucks jason soon...

words in my head...

2007-08-17T18:23:00.000-05:00

there were a couple of different occasions this week where i heard friends say things like:

“i love the way he/she writes.”

“i wish i could write like that.”

“i don’t know how they wrote exactly what i was thinking.”

i have definitely uttered versions of these phrases if not the exact ones… i used to write a lot. now, it’s an occasional practice that seems overwhelming. i constantly have things swirling in my head. words i wish i would have said, words i wish i could take back, or words and phrases i just can’t seem to fit together to make any sense to anyone but me.

here are a few words and phrases in my head at the moment... don't worry if they don't make sense... i don't even really care if you read them... it's just a starting place for me... i'm determined to start writing again... to make sense of the jumbled up mess going on in my head... so this is just the beginning of my therapy...

"helper seeking helper"

"buddy"

"i miss my friend"

"busboys"

"home"

"circle of heads"

"lonely"

"graphic design"

"human resources"

"furniture"

"hilarious"

"cheerleader"

"closeness"

"tired"

"40 gallons of sap"

"starbucks jason"

that's all i've got for today... at some point, soon, these words might make sense... but for right now, i'm done. i'm tapping out.

boy, this is a mother dictionary...

2007-06-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

sometimes i suck at words... i say words wrong or misuse them... so, i've decided to make a list of words i like... then i will look them up on dictionary.com and provide a definition... this will probably only be fun for me...

misstep: an error or slip in conduct; faux pas.

synergy: The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

ineffable: 1. incapable of being expressed or described in words; inexpressible
2. not to be spoken because of its sacredness; unutterable

unrequited: 1. not returned or reciprocated
2. not repaid or satisfied.

anhedonia: lack of pleasure or of the capacity to experience it. (adj: anhedonic)

thanks, hank...

2007-05-14T11:25:00.000-05:00

last night, i looked over my books and tried to decide which ones to take on vacation... i spotted a book by henri nouwen called a cry for mercy... it is a book of prayers he wrote while in a monastery... i used one of the prayers during a sermon in seminary for my preaching class... since then, it is one of those books that i can pick up, read a prayer or two and gain some insight... sometimes they are just a quick read and sometimes they have more impact than i had bargained for... there is not one for everyday... but i like to find the prayer that is closest to the present date...

there is a prayer for may 13... and here's what it said,

"Dear Lord, I bring before You all the people who experience failure in their search for a creative, affectionate relationship. Many single people feel lonely and unable to sustain a friendship for a long period of time; many married people feel frustrated in their marriage and separate to go different ways; many children cannot speak to their parents; and many parents have become afraid of their children. All around me I see the hunger for love and the inability to experience it in a deep and lasting way.

O Lord, look with favor on us, your people, and impart your love to us - not as an idea or concept, but as a lived experience. We can only love each other because You have loved us first. Let us know that first love so that we can see all human love as a reflection of a greater love, a love without conditions and limitations.

Heal those who feel hurt in their most intimate self, who feel rejected, misunderstood, or even misused. Show them your healing love and help them on the way to forgiveness and reconciliation. Amen"

phantom faucet...

2007-04-17T17:30:00.001-05:00

in our bathroom at work, there is a crazy sink... it's been defective since before i started working here... until the last week or so, the handle had to be in just the right position for water to not continue to drip from the spout. it's continued to get worse and the last few days have been my favorite...

i had decided to quit using that particular sink as there are three others and one time i could not get it to stop running...

so the last few times i've used the sink i opted for the middle one... and the weird part is, when i turn on the middle sink, water comes rushing out of it as well as the broken sink... same is true for the far left one... it's the phantom faucet... i think it's just tied to the same water as the other sinks but it's a weird feeling to turn on one faucet and for water to come from 2 spouts...

the story would be so much better as a video...

i wonder if there is a spiritual correlation that i can tie to it... maybe "when we are pouring out our lives, it will cause others to pour out their lives?"... maybe not... how about: "beware ghosts in the bathroom?"... not likely... i'll choose: "be in tune with the Lord and try to be like Him at all times..." seems the best option of the 3...

that's all i've got for today... just for the record, things are good.

a few little pieces of random... without the painful side effects...

2007-03-15T18:47:00.001-05:00

you can blame me for the rain... for the last 3 days i've been listening to one of my favorite cd's which just happens to be called, "songs for a rainy day..." so it's probably my fault... i'm just so into songs about rain right now...

i'm also very into gnomes... i even got a new gnome bag that i carry as a purse... it says "have a nice day" - i mean it... i really hope you do...

i went to driving school the other night... it keeps a ticket off my record... so i'm down with that... a lady was explaining a scenario and said (exact quote)... i like merging well... "i think it's important to merge well..." i have to say that i agree with her... i love an appropriate merge...

i went to my first lacrosse game tonight... a few of my girls were playing on opposite teams... i don't know much about lacrosse, but maybe that will change over the next few weeks... i'm pretty amazed at their skill...

i've gone mad for march madness... i love this time of year... i love checking the scores and my brackets... i don't ever really have a great bracket... but i still love it... maybe it's the chance to be competitive without actually playing anything...

i don't know why i haven't gone home yet... it's way past time... so i guess that means i'm out!!!

only God can judge you, ruth... back off joshua

2007-03-02T11:17:00.000-06:00

i don't know why i have always been a big fan of going out for lunch... maybe it's because i like the break in the monotony of a day... my a.d.d. has never been a big fan of routine...

there's nothing better than an outdoor lunch in the spring or fall. sun shining with a blend of gentle breeze... the contrast between the sun beating down on a leg or an arm, almost burning, mixed with a wind that will chill to the bone... there's nothing like it...

it seems that lately people have felt the need to engage in small talk with me. complete strangers feel compelled to comment on the weather or the length of the waiting line or the food selection. it happens to me a lot when i'm at lunch alone. i always thought i was more unapproachable than that (not something i'm proud of, just something i thought about myself)... maybe they think i'm lonely... maybe they lead lives of quiet desperation, too... maybe they're just nice people... today i liked her accent and were i not so set on being a loner, we might have become friends... maybe not...

i am nervous about the upcoming months... new challenges can be exciting and they can also be terrifying... today, for me, it's as blended as the sun and wind during lunch... i've never been so excited to potentially do what has brought me more joy than anything i've done since i moved to nashville, even if it's only 5 hours a week. i've decided that i will put all of the effort i can muster into it, even though all of that mustered effort should be applied toward the other 35. it's just new (sort of) and exciting (really).

at the same exact time, i'm terrified of failure and disappointing those who expect so much of me. what if they have taken a chance on me and i fall completely short of their expectations like i have done so many times before with prior expectation holders.

i've been thinking a lot about Ruth since Sunday... how, when she pledged her devotion to Naomi and Naomi's God (Yahweh), she was promised nothing in return. there was no hope or promise for anything other than a rough life of picking up other's leftovers and depending on the mercy of the community...

i've never been one to want to rely on the mercy of someone else and i hate leftovers...

ruth diligently served her dead-husband's-mother with unwaivering obedience and faith. even to do what seemed ridiculous...

because of God's faithfulness and Ruth's obedience, Ruth was given more than enough... even if it was only in the amount of leftovers she could gather... He didn't stop there... she was given more than i'm sure she could have ever imagined...

i struggle sometimes with feeling like i don't have what i want. we know the end of ruth's story... with Ruth, not only an honorable husband was provided, but a family and a place in the direct lineage of Jesus Christ.

how willing am i to struggle, knowing i am not promised anything and to remain faithful and obedient, regardless of the outcome? and not for the outcome... simply because God was faithful first, because He loved me first, because of His goodness, His mercy?

God, teach me to love leftovers and to not be "too good" in my heart to diligently serve others by picking them up... help me to hear what people are saying to me, even in the small talk... lead me to love others the way You love... sacrificially and unconditionally...

"at least you're okay..."

2007-01-13T13:52:00.000-06:00

is the phrase i've heard more than a lot of times in the last 36 hours or so...

thursday night at about 6:30 cst, i was on my way home from work... i was driving down hillsboro rd., looked down for a moment, and looked back up to see traffic stopped for someone to turn... i slammed on my brakes and tried to not hit the car in front of me with no luck...

there was pretty extensive damage to my car... (i'll know next week what it is exactly.) the airbags broke my glasses (i was definitely wearing them)... no one was hurt - my injuries were the only ones and they were minor - my knee is bruised up and i have bruises and burns from the seatbelt and small burn on my nose from the airbag... my neck and head were hurting pretty bad that night and my back a little bit yesterday... (i went to the er and had xrays and a cat scan done)... so in that sense, i'm okay...

it was pretty rough for me... i cried a lot... i feel really responsible and it just seems to have come at a really bad time... but i'm glad that no one was seriously injured... i am going today to get everything i need out of my car... i am hoping to take some pictures of it and i also know that it will be rough to see it...

a lot of people were praying for me thursday and between that and the pain meds they gave me, the pain is a lot less severe than i know it could be right now... but i'm still pretty achy...

it was only me and one other car and the driver was extremely nice... i took the day off of work yesterday and slept most of the day... at least i'm okay... :)

the skating rink and jesus...

2007-01-08T16:47:00.000-06:00

Last night the hs ministry went skating… I don’t remember the last time I wore roller skates, but I do remember my skating rink experiences as a child at after school care… and every time I think about them, I think about one story in particular…

My mom ran the after school program I went to in elementary school. When I was in 5^th grade, we went to the skating rink one afternoon a week. I loved going to the skating rink… it was fun hanging out with my friends, I could play my favorite video game at the time (a car racing one), I could get a big pickle to eat, not to mention the skating part… my favorite song that they played at the skating rink was “bust a move”…

There was this boy named alan who was always at the skating rink when we went… he was the cool kid at the skating rink with his cool skates… he worked at the skating rink or was friends with the people or had connections, because he could get up in the dj booth and pick the music… he was only my age or a year older than me and all of my friends thought he was really cute and talked about him incessantly…

That annoyed me… maybe it was because I wanted my friends’ attention or maybe it was because secretly, I wanted to like him but didn’t want to be like all my friends… I’ve never been a bandwagon kind of girl… I would talk about how much I hated him and how he wasn’t cute at all… and how annoying he was… I don’t think I believed any of those things in my heart, but that’s definitely what I said…

I went over to my mom who was standing with the lady who ran the other daycare who shared our day and started going on and on about that alan boy and how annoying it was that everyone thought he was cute… then I found out the truth… that lady who owned the other daycare was definitely his mom…

I was pretty embarrassed about it, but I didn’t really care because he was annoying and I was annoyed that all my friends only wanted to talk about him and not do fun stuff like eat pickles and play video games with me… I didn’t really hate him or anything, I just didn’t care that much about him… and I didn’t want to fight for his attention… I just wanted to skate and eat pickles and play video games…

One of the days I was playing my video game and he walked over and asked me if I wanted to go out or be his girlfriend or something to that effect… and I was elated… that might have been the only conversation we ever had, but I was so happy that he had chosen me… the next few weeks would definitely be filled with my mind wandering during Ms. Warren’s class while I made a cross with our initials written in the squares on my heart-designed lisa frank paper… the boy that every girl wanted had chosen me… suddenly it didn’t matter than I thought he was annoying and hated him… he chose me because he wanted to… and technically, since we never talked after that one time, i guess, we are actually still dating…

While I was at passion last week, I was challenged in many ways about my relationship with Christ. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the joy of simply having a relationship with Jesus. Somewhere along the way I’ve stopped feeling about Jesus the way I did when I wrote a cross with my initials and alan’s initials in the box on my heart paper. This morning as I was thinking about everything, my head went to Titus (of all places) and a passage of scripture that I heard many times in college…

Titus 3:3-7

“For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hop of eternal life.”

When I was in the 5^th grade, a boy named alan chose me and it brought joy to my little world... I had been in opposition to him and it didn’t matter… he chose me…

before I was born, God chose me (and I realized it 12 years later) and it is still bringing joy to my little world… even today… my life before God was in complete opposition to Him. I was disobedient, deceived, enslaved, malicious, envious, and hateful and it didn’t matter. He chose me…

letter to crazy kamikaze deer...

2006-12-04T09:15:00.000-06:00

Dear crazy kamikaze deer,

I don't know what you were thinking when you decided to use my car as the means for your death. I mean, I know my car is great, and I think so, too. However, there are many other options that I feel would be better as a means to end your life. I'll list a few, so you'll know next time...

1) Hunters. They actually think it's good if you die. Plus, they're completely prepared to pick up the mess. And they probably don't scream when you run into their cars and cry a lot after you die.

2) Religious Mass Suicide by drinking cyanide-laced flavor-aid. It worked for Jim Jones. That way all of your friends could go with you at the same time. It's a community effort, not one deer dying alone at a time. Plus, all your friends WOULD be doing it...

3) Some other options could be drowning, suffocation, lethal injection, electric chair... all of these are great options...

If I were a crazy kamikaze suicide deer, I would definitely choose option 1. I have one friend in particular whose life would be much happier if you did. I would say thank you for choosing me, of all of the cars that drive down Murray Lane in a day, but I'm really not all that grateful for your choice. Regardless, I hope you have a wonderful life in the hereafter.

Sincerely,

Robyn

Here are the answers to the questions I've been asked:
1) I don't really know what kind of deer it was... I saw its face and eyeball (which will forever be in my brain), and as I drove by it this morning on my way to work, it definitely had 2 little antlers (is that what they're called?), so i'm guessing it was a teenage boy deer... you can let me know if i'm wrong... but that's what i'm going with right now...
2) Yes, the deer ran into my car while I was driving. It hit the front drivers side, causing me to be without a signal light and temporarily causing my drivers side door not to open. (Thanks to Shane for fixing it so it opens now.)
3) Yes, there is damage to my car. It could have been much worse. Had I spent 15 seconds more on my hair yesterday morning, I could have had much more damage, and from what i hear about deer accidents, I could have died. So, i guess it's a matter of perspective when it comes to the damage...
4) Yes, I left it on the side of the road. I did not attempt to get out of the car and look at it. I did not, for even the slightest moment, consider strapping it to the top of my car and taking it home. Do you know me? Why would you even ask if i would do that?
5) Yes, I believe it was dead when I left the scene. However, it had turned around on the side of the road by this morning. But it's still in the same place, so yes. I think its neck probably snapped when it hit my car. It spun all the way around and landed on the side of the road on the opposite side of the road...
6) Yes, I screamed when it happened. And I cried after it happened. And I think I said, "what the crap?" a lot...
7) Yes, I am okay. Thanks for caring about the deer more than me. :)

If you have additional questions, please feel free to ask.

What a great way to start a Sunday morning.

peace of mind is all i want. i want to make some time for wasting...

2006-11-29T16:45:00.000-06:00

The fact of the matter is… I used to be okay at writing… I went back the other day and read some entries that I had written… and it made me remember and feel what I was going through at the time…

Somewhere along the way, especially within the last few months, I quit turning to writing as a way to vent and explain what was going on in my life. Part of the reason for that could be that when I was writing was when I was living out west and I had more time on my hands and a computer that worked… now, I seem to have little or no time and a dead computer…
Maybe it's that I'm lazy… maybe I just don't want to let people in… maybe it's just that I don't have anything worthwhile to say…

Today I'm at least going to make an attempt… I read this once and it kind of stuck with me… it's a better description of what I'm feeling than what I could put into words…

"Writer's block is just a symptom of feeling like you have nothing to say, combined with the rather weird idea that you SHOULD feel the need to say something.

Why? If you have something to say, then say it. If not, enjoy the silence while it lasts. The noise will return soon enough. In the meantime, you're better off going out into the big, wide world, having some adventures and refilling your well. Trying to create when you don't feel like it is like making conversation for the sake of making conversation." – Hugh McLeod, www.gapingvoid.com

But for those of you who like small talk – here it is…

I started working at ClearView on June 1. It quickly turned from a job to ministry (even though it is still a normal Monday through Friday 9-6 job…) to the biggest part of my life… my normal work time, a good chunk of my "free time" and all my volunteer time was quickly wrapped up in a group of students who I have grown to adore like no other kids ever… reality is, I don't take the time to write because my plate is full without trying to find words to explain where I am… for the first time, in a really long time, I'm consumed with where I am and trying to be all here rather than looking for the next step… and I'm trying to learn the art of preparing for tomorrow's journey while completely living today's… I am sure that this is not the last place I'll be, but for right now, it's where I am… and I couldn't ask for a better resting place in the journey…

And that's going to be all for now… there may be shorter "funner" posts to come, but for now… I just needed to get that out…

the most wonderful time of the year...

2006-10-24T17:43:00.000-05:00

i don't have much time to write... it's nearing the end of the day and the last thing i want to do is sit in my office for longer than i need to...

plus, the colors are so fragrant outside that it is hard for me to sit inside... yes, i said fragrant... i know it isn't the best descriptive word, but in my mind it's perfect... brilliant, fragrant, enticing... spectacular...

fall makes me think... makes me sad... makes me feel hope... makes me want... and makes me happy... all at the same time and with equal force...

these words are not adequate... as i contemplate and write, i'll add more - but for now... that'll do, pig...

A single moment of true joy is more powerful than a lifetime of sorrow.

2006-08-25T16:58:00.000-05:00

i've definitely been procrastinating about writing...

maybe it is out of fear... fear that once i start writing i won't be able to stop... or the fear of having nothing to say...

maybe it's out of laziness... writing takes time... and sometimes, it sort of feels like cleaning my room (which i mostly hate to do)... sorting through what needs to be kept and what needs to be thrown away... clearing out the junk and spending time on things that mean something...

maybe because it hasn't been a priority... hanging out with people has taken priority over hanging out with a computer...

i'm not sure the reasoning... but today i sit, good music playing (one of the best mix tape cd's ever - thanks, amy)... and feel that now is the time, whether i have anything to say or not, whether it takes all day or 10 minutes... i'll take the time... to clean out the junk in my mind, censoring only what is necessary, which may be more than i would like to be...

**************************************

to try and sum up the last few weeks and months would pretty much be impossible to do... so i'll attempt, knowing i'll probably fail... but i'm still going to try... but i'm only going to deal with august...

i spent the first week of august in new orleans on a high school mission trip... the trip could probably have its own entry (or 5)... but i'm going to sum it up in one word...

humbling

as we pulled into the city, i was immediately broken. i was thankful for oversized sunglasses that hid my teary eyes... i know people who were directly affected by katrina and rita... but i wasn't directly affected... so before driving into the city, it had just been something tragic that happened in our country and in lives of people who were close to me... but it wasn't necessarily real to me...

my kids aren't always the most sensitive in the world... and after a couple of not-okay comments, i snapped... not necessarily out loud, but mentally, i lost it a bit... i was sad for my friend alyssa's family who lost everything... and my mind starting working overtime... and i began to think about storms in general... and how sometimes our lives can be compared to weather patterns - whether we are in times of quiet or times of storm...

sometimes i think i've become so used to the storm that i'm terrified of the quiet... like the storm becomes the thing that is familiar in my life and i don't want it to stop... maybe it's because the storm has become the thing in my life that i can blame... and when it stops, i don't have anything else to blame if there is junk in my life that shouldn't be there...

my words today won't do justice to what i was feeling in the short amount of time after we entered new orleans until we got to our hotel... there was a lot... now, it just seems as fragments of ideas...

after that experience, the rest of the week continued to knock me back into my place with surprising force...

i worked harder than i had worked in a long time, doing work that is not pretty or glorious... i smelled bad... i was dirty and gross and it seemed the perfect analogy to sin in my life... we cleaned up houses and yards... and i know that the storm caught many off guard... they didn't have time to clean their houses and even if they had, it didn't matter... the storm left them, their lives, and their junk exposed... for all the world to see... i don't want my inadequacies, my sin, my junk to be laid bare for the world to see... i want to clean it up, package it with pretty paper and a bow so it doesn't so much look like sin... but that's not being truthful about what sin is... it needs to be exposed so that healing can take place... maybe not in a huge public arena... but to one another so there can be accountability and repentance... i don't like that part sometimes...

toward the end of the week, i grew very tired... exhausted, actually... and i saw my kids notice and it bothered me... i felt like i wasn't putting on my game face enough... like they shouldn't know that i was tired... they kept coming up to me and asking, "what can i do? you look so tired..." and it made me sad... matt said that it's because they cared about us (i guess they were saying the same thing to him) and it was because they cared about us and wanted to please us... and that was even more humbling... i feel so inadequate to be working with these kids... i know that i'm not where i'm supposed to be, spiritually (and probably in other areas, too, but especially that one)... and i'm thankful that God is using me, but it's scary and humbling... i'm thankful that He chooses me, though i don't know why He does...

***************************************

i'm not sure what happened the week after new orleans... i'm sure something did... but i can't remember, because it's a week that was sandwiched between two that stick out... so whatever happened that week will forever be lost in the recesses of my mind, i think...

the third week of this month started out fine and by tuesday, started unraveling... there were 3 deaths that happened surrounding my life... it was no one in my immediate family, but they were 3 deaths that were too close... a parent, a grandparent and a student... it was one of those weeks where i was forced to stop and re-evaluate a lot of stuff about my life... does my life make a difference? would people come to know Christ as a result of my death? would there be any lost people at my funeral? am i doing everything i can to share Christ with those that don't know? where's the sense of urgency?

the sad part is, i don't think anything has changed as a result of it... i would like to think everything would have, but i don't think anything has...

immediately following the funeral on friday, i came home to deal with a big mess... it's one of my censored stories... but it caused an important discussion, starting with the statement (said to me)...

"you wear your emotions on your sleeve. you need to toughen up..."

which is true... but how does one go about "toughening up?"... just curious... so i'm working on it... even though i don't know how... i cried a lot in august...

************************************

last week was such an up and down week... but i had one of the best mornings ever... tuesday i walked out the front door and it was the first day that wasn't HOT... so i definitely sang and danced my way to work, windows down, sunroof open, flying down the back roads that bring me to work... huge grin on my face, hair all crazy from the wind, nearly skipping across the parking lot, i walked into work... and if anything tried to get me down that day i would say "i AM walking on sunshine..." (yes, out loud...)

this morning was a lot the same as tuesday...

i'm happy i've had nuggets of good and even great in what could have been an incredibly crappy month...

if you've read this far, i commend you for your diligence... thank you and good night...

but sometimes things are so transparency, they don't need evidential proof

2006-07-17T13:22:00.000-05:00

sigh...

the last two weeks have been insane/amazing/weird/exhausting/frustrating/encouraging.
high school camp was incredible... at times it was frustrating, but for the most part, it was a great week... i have never gotten on my face more for students than i did that week... i was encouraged and challenged to pray every day and did so with the other leaders during quiet time and at other times throughout the day. it was one of those weeks where we didn't see anybody come to know Christ (as a salvation experience) but we watched a lot of walls come down, a lot of baby steps (and sometimes giant leaps) toward God, and some knowledge gained... (and more than i could imagine, i'm sure - but this is the short list)

i got to spend time one-on-one with each student in our group... i saw all of them everyday as we shared meals together and talked about our days... the best word i can describe it as is intimate... the week had its fair share of problems and issues, but i walked away knowing the students a lot better and having a foundation to be able to be a part of the ministry as needed (and as i fit)...

we got on the bus to go to middle school camp... and i was driving the van... it's hard for me to drive and get to know students because i don't like to yell and i don't want to turn around... i like driving, but it can be isolating... so i didn't really feel like i got to know the students at all on the way there (and the way back was the same way as i was driving the mini-bus)...

we took a ton of kids to middle school camp and it was really hard to learn names (and faces, for that matter) - one kid came up to me at the end of the week and asked for a tylenol and i didn't remember seeing him at all before that. it was bizarre...

i had a good time, but i felt really disconnected... i got to be a part of m-fuge, so i was out on ministry site during the day and got to know the 3 students from our church who were in my group, but other than that, i don't think i did a really good job of connecting... and i was running around like crazy, not devoting the time to prayer that i should of...

on top of already feeling disconnected, i knew a few people on staff and spent some time with them, taking away time for students... the time that i spent with my friends was wonderful and definitely high lights of the week, but it made my connection with the students weak...

i had a great week, but mostly because of the conversations shared with a new-old friend who i hadn't seen in a few years... i was glad to have found that friendship... plus it was great to see my roommate (in real life) in camp mode and be able to share it with her...

right before i left camp i found out one of my favorite people in the world is staying at our house for a few days... and i get home and she arrives a couple of hours later... we hung out and talked and made a late night food run... and it was the best follow-up to a camp week i could imagine... intimate conversation about where we are in life and what we want... it was comforting to talk with someone who is in the same boat as me in many ways...

i went to church yesterday, hung out with my kids and had a great lunch with a couple of my favorite people... and my boss told me that i should take today and friday off... and i didn't argue with him, so i enjoyed sleeping in today and getting some much needed rest... then i went with cynthia to mfuge worship at belmont, which sparked further conversation... then i finally saw my roommate for the first time in july...

all of that to say, i feel like i'm right where i supposed to be in life... i'm in the right job (even though i still have bad days), in the right place in ministry, having new and old friendships that are incredible to me... i'm incredibly thankful for the journey i've been on and i'm looking forward to the next thing... but for now, it is easy to be good here...

weary...

2006-07-08T21:55:00.000-05:00

much to say, too little energy...

i spent the last week in north carolina (ridgecrest) at camp with our high school students... it was incredible, not only because i was terrified of how the week might go and it turning out way better than i could have anticipated. i don't think i've ever loved students the way i love the students at clearview. they bring joy to my heart every time i see them. it's not just a handful of students. i seriously came home and was sad that i had to leave them. i hadn't planned on going to church tomorrow because i know exhaustion is about to get the best of me... and yet, when matt reminded the students about church in the morning and worship tomorrow night, i found myself wanting to go so that i could hang out with them again.

we had some issues at camp. it wasn't the easiest of weeks. there are many kids who were on the trip that were very hardened. i refuse to go into details, but i was really nervous about it... as we (the adults) got on our faces interceding for the students, it became apparent to me that they had won a special place in my heart and something big was about to happen. i am looking forward to seeing the ways that God is going to work in the lives of students in the next several months.

on the flip side of that, i caught a glimpse of my own spiritual immaturity and how easy it is for my flesh to take over. while at camp, something happened and i lost my temper. it wasn't an issue with the students and i didn't directly approach the situation, but knew i didn't handle it in the correct manner. immediately after realizing what i had done (or hadn't done), i felt very inadequate to be leading students at all. i'm so thankful for grace and God working through my inadequacies.

we got home this evening and i've been trying to play catch up with emails and phone calls. a lot has happened in the last week and i'm really just ready to curl up in my bed and sleep my life away... but that's not really a complete possibility...

pray for continued strength and energy for me. i have to leave my house at about 5:00 a.m. on monday morning for middle school camp... there's a lot going on and i know i need to be all there for the students. i know it will be great and i know i will be completely exhausted this time next week. how did i work fuge staff for entire summers?

i am so tired... i must go... i will try to have stories sometime soon... hopefully i'll be able to remember them.

who's up for a little adventure??

2006-06-30T10:21:00.000-05:00

hey friends... it's been a while... i don't make excuses for not writing sooner... it's not like any of you write more than i do... (trust me... i check) - j/k... which reminds me of a story...

one time when i was hanging out with friends in the northwest, (i'm really thinking it was emily and alyssa... erin may have been there too, or maybe she just heard the story afterwards...) i said something stupid and then i said, "j-k" - just to try it out... sometimes i say things that are funny... sometimes i say things that cause ridicule to come upon me... this particular expression fell spectacularly in the second category...

but i didn't give up on it... i thought, sometime, not too long from now, i will say it and everyone will say it with me... much like barney and the lemon law (for all you how i met your mother fans)... anyway, back to the point...

on the 8th grade retreat, i thought i may have my new opportunity... j-k will become the new catchphrase... so, i tried it out... and as soon as i said it, one of the 8th grade boys said, "l-o-l" - "YES," i thought, "victory is mine, not ridicule" and since then, it has become a new middle school phrase... but it doesn't stop with j-k... we usually say, "j-k, l-o-l, b-r-b" and then laugh and walk off... it's great... maybe it's just that i have a middle school mentality or that they're too scared to make fun of me... but it's definitely picked up... and i love it... they even started saying "j-k,j-k" - which means they're really not just kidding... or j-k-squared... which is definitely something i would say...

all that to say - if you love middle school kids as much as i do (which is a lot most of the time and not so much some of the time) and you want to hang out with some of the coolest middle schoolers i know for a week in july... let's just say july 10-15, hypothetically speaking, of course... in the northern part of south carolina... and you're older than 17, you should let me know... because there may be a camp opportunity in your future... j/k-j/k

you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose...

2006-06-14T16:57:00.000-05:00

one time in high school, eric told us that the friends we had in high school that we thought we'd be b.f.f. with forever wouldn't necessarily be our friends past high school... and of course, being 17 or 18, we disagreed with him whole-heartedly... of course he was wrong because, if nothing else, he was an adult and they didn't know anything...

i hate to say that, at times, i agree with him... i do still keep in touch with friends from high school on a semi-regular basis... over time, however, the friendships have faded because of time or distance or change or a blend of the three...

then, in college, tim encouraged us to think about our 5... the 5 people that we could count on (not family) to drop everything and run if we asked them to... the 5 friends in our lives who, when crisis or joy happened in our lives, would run to our sides if we mentioned it... no questions asked...

sometimes i forget about who those five would be... and my list 6 years ago (the first time i made it) is not the list i would make today... things change, people change...

i was helping matt out by leading his h.s. bible study yesterday... and i don't really like teaching, so i wasn't too thrilled about it... but i do love the kids... and we were talking about mark 2 where jesus heals the paralytic whose friends have lowered him through the roof... and once again, i was reminded to stop and re-evaluate the friendships i had in my life...

in thinking through friendship, the first thought that comes into my head is not a scripture verse (don't judge me - if you know me, you know what i'm about to say)... it's a movie quote...

it happens sometimes. friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant...

i've found friendship to be somewhat of a fleeting thing in many instances... however, there are those friends who have stuck by me - good times or bad... and it makes my heart smile knowing that they love me the same... i hope i've been that friends more times than i think i have... because i know it's not as many as i wish it was...

as the theme song from a great tv show says, "thank you for being a friend... your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant..."

first day with a kick...

2006-06-03T18:05:00.000-05:00

thursday was my first day of work at the church... i decided to take it (really) easy on tuesday and wednesday... sleeping in, watching movies, reading... doing nothing, really...

on wednesday afternoon, i get a call from matt (high school/college minister) asking what i'm doing friday, thursday night and saturday morning... somewhere in my life i learned to ask questions fast and not to commit to anything before knowing the full story... yes, i'm still adventurous, but i'd like to know what the adventure is (or the rough outline of the adventure)...

he had a trip planned starting thursday night at 10:00 called "24 hours of madness" - and that's exactly what it was... so i told him if it was okay with john (my supervisor) that i'd go... and it was okay... so i got up thursday morning at 6:45 in order to get ready to go to work and be there by 8:00... worked until 4:00 (i was supposed to leave at 1:00 to go take a nap, but i rarely ever leave work when i'm supposed to if it's early)... went home and ran errands with amy, got back to the church at 8:45...

we got back about 9:30 friday night... i probably got about an hour worth of sleep total on the bus on the way home... and then i got home and went to sleep about 11:30 last night and definitely slept until 4:30 this afternoon...

here's what we did...

10:30 - left the church and made our way (only getting lost a couple of times) to climb nashville - over 20,000 square feet of rock-wall climbing...
1:00 (or so) - left climb nashville and went to laserquest in downtown nashville
4:00 - left laserquest and headed to cracker barrel somewhere near owensboro, kentucky...
8:30 (i think) - left cracker barrel and went to holiday world/splashin' safari... (theme and water park in santa claus, indiana)
4:30 - left holiday world and went to eat at ryan's in owensboro
9:30 - arrived back at the church (a little early)

so that's the rough outline of what we did... but it doesn't really do it justice... it was a ton of fun... here are the highlights:

*got to meet and hang out with a bunch of the high school kids... they are incredible... there were 47 members and visitors on the trip... and 5 "adults" - no one over 30 - 2 were college students...
*at laserquest, my name was laserqueen... someone said it sounded like a chat room name...
*holiday world is the best theme park ever... it really is amazing... it's not super expensive like every other theme park... they give out free sunscreen and soft drinks are unlimited and free all over the park... and the food is cheap... we gave each student $5 and it was enough for them to eat lunch on with money left over, usually... and it's clean and all the people that work there are nice...
*the raven, the legend and the voyage are the three roller coasters... the raven was awesome and then we went on the legend... and it was better... then... i had the experience that changed my life... the voyage is the second best roller coaster i've ever been on... and the 1st was 5 years ago... the magnum at cedar point and it barely beat out the voyage... and the voyage could be considered better because their dimensions are so close and it's wooden (the other was steel)... and wooden is awesome... i went three times in a row... and i was such a spaz about it... but it was awesome!!!
*we went into the glass blowing shop where there was definitely a sign that said, "we encourage intelligent touching" which could end up having it's own entry on my site because it made me laugh so much...
*all the way around it was just one of those experiences much like an mastercard commercial... it was priceless... a great experience...

on a completely random side note... at about hour 27 of me being awake, 16 of the trip - i found out that two of the students (twin brothers) are cousins of lindsey and beth little and jacob smythe... it was pretty cool...

i guess they know how to really "break people in" at clearview... :)

word of the day...

2006-05-25T00:22:00.000-05:00

my word of the day for today is...

RIDICULOUS... it's such a fun word to say... if you think about it... say it... it sounds funny... it's way better than weird or out of control... here's the definition from dictionary.com - Deserving or inspiring ridicule; absurd, preposterous, or silly.

sometimes i feel absolutely ridiculous... i don't even think i realize it until it's too late... tonight i hung out with a fun friend i get to see on a not-so-regular basis... but i always leave feeling refreshed and encouraged... maybe it's the freedom to say whatever we want without fear of judgment or ridicule (i threw a form of it in again...)... since we don't see each other that much and aren't really in the same circle, there is a freedom that comes with our friendship... i love it...
but tonight there were a couple of people with us who don't really know me at all... and looking back on it, i think they must think that i'm ridiculous... i kept thinking things were funny and then i'd snort... and i don't know if it comes across as annoying or endearing... and i kept asking questions for the group - because it's kind of what i do... and i shouldn't really care what other people think... but a lot of times, i do... because it's also kind of what i do...

on a side note... kind of related... tonight i found myself missing things about the northwest... i miss my friends who are there... i miss being a part of things and only being able to hear about them on the phone... i miss the people i worked with and went to school with... i want to go visit soon and hope that my work schedule and my budget allow me to... if you want to contribute to the "send robyn to portland for a visit" fund, let me know... although it's not tax-deductable, anything helps... :)...

i have some other deep stuff to write, but i don't want to ruin a fun entry...

so i'll go back to where i started... here are some questions for all to answer... a)what's the most ridiculous thing you've done, b) what's the most ridiculous thing you've done today (and if you can't think of anything, then maybe you should try ridiculosity (yes, i just made that word up...)...), c)what is the most ridiculous movie or song that you can think of?

here are my answers:

a) this is just one example off the top of my head... singing "you've lost that lovin' feeling" at the top of my lungs with 2 of my favorite northwest friends and another fun northwest friend while waiting for the seattle-bainbridge island ferry.b) acting kind of crazy at dinner and at starbucks - asking everyone if they knew what a lingonberry is (it's on the menu at ihop) and acting like the starbucks employees are my friends...c) my boss' daughter - it's just too over the top... followed closely by the notebook...

and, in writing this post, i was reminded of one of my favorite quotes from a movie...
"if you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like..." be the first one to name the movie, get some points...

Rest In Peace, dear friend...

2006-05-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

I had to say goodbye to a good friend this weekend... This friend has been with me for a while, proving her friendship by supporting me when i was overseas... at times, i felt like she was the only friend i had...

but she was sick... some rare disease and they i knew that it could be anytime when she would finally pass, leaving me heartbroken and alone...
and saturday night it happened...

my laptop died... it's been threatening a hard drive failure... and the cd drive didn't work anymore... and it was getting slow... but saturday, something went crazy... and it took me 20 minutes to try and restart it... then a few error messages... then a crazy screen... then the error message that i need to install a windows cd because a file is corrupt or missing...

i don't have windows cds, because someone put it on my computer for me... and before the offers roll in, remember, my cd drive doesn't work... so i don't really have a way of getting the file onto my computer... i tried attaching the external hard drive i have to it, hoping it would be like life support... but it didn't work...
so, even though the hard drive didn't completely crash, my computer is completely non-usable... hopefully i'll be able to get a new computer soon... until then, i will mourn the loss of my dear friend...

i heart my friends...

2006-05-16T23:41:00.000-05:00

today i had an incredibly boring day at this place where i'm temp-ing to make some extra money until i can start working at the church... it really might be the most bored i have ever been in my entire life... sincerely... i never got that bored in school and i was bored in school a lot...

but, it's one block away from an amazing restaurant that i LOVE... it's called otter's and it's a chicken tenders restaurant... and it makes my heart smile... the only thing that i could imagine that would make it better to me was if they had coke products instead of pepsi...

while i was there, i called my brother (because i was all by myself)... and it was so great to talk to him... and it made me get a little homesick for my friends... so i started trying to figure out a weekend to go to the big j-town for a visit... thanks to the technology of the internet (thanks, al), i am able to communicate with my dear friends who live hours away - those who don't return phone calls... (i'm not bitter... i'm just saying...)

so memorial day weekend will find me in the big j-town... and possibly some days before that... but i will need a place to stay... any offers? let me know...

and i'm not sure why - but tonight's movie is napoleon dynamite... oh that's right... because it's hilarious... and the opening song makes me think of my friends... who i love... here's a nugget of friend-love lyrics...

and we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that i sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

tonight i'll dream while i'm in bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when i wake tomorrow i'll bet
that you and i will walk together again
cause i can tell that we
are going to be friends

big changes in my life...

2006-05-09T15:05:00.000-05:00

it seems my life will never settle down... but if it did, it would probably take the fun out of it... so... here's the newest update...

i quit my job... i was still "temp status" and the longer i was there, the more i realized that it wasn't the place where i needed to be... since they weren't "married" to me yet, and i wasn't "married" to them, either, i knew it could be a clean break... so, i gve notice and finished out the day... that was thursday...

i made some phone calls and had a meeting with the church that i had interviewed with before... and they have offered me a job which i will start june 1. i wasn't ready for it then, but it's perfect timing (and the perfect job) now... it would take a long time for me to describe in words... if you saw my face or heard me talk about it, it would be obvious to you...

so things are good... and i'm hoping the temp agency will be able to find me some work between now and june 1...

so they're good changes... but that's what is going on... i'll give more updates about the job later on...

this just makes me happy...

2006-04-25T10:40:00.000-05:00

granted, it's not the exact quote... but it makes me smile a lot...

and i added a couple of extra pictures i found, just for the heck of it...

"but it's in the middle of the night..."

2006-04-16T02:23:00.000-05:00

nothing major to report... i was just checking my email on my fabulous roommate's computer... and thought i'd post a little tiny something... or a couple of things...

1) i got a new cell phone number... if i haven't sent you an email or text message about it and you want it, let me know... i'll plan to have it written in the sky for you to see... or i'll email or call you... which is actually way more economical...

2) i lost my digital camera... it could potentially be at the grand ole opry house... but that has caused the delay with posting pictures... my heart has already wept silently for the loss... and i'll be calling to see if it's there next week...

3) i've been watching the last season of dawson's creek this weekend... and i hate that i love it... and i don't completely understand the appeal of joey potter... i mean, she is great, but she can't make up her mind and she breaks a lot of hearts... then again, it is a tv show, intended to be dramatic... so i can't really complain... i mean, i am still watching...

4) if you can name the quote that the title is from first, you'll get an undetermined amount of points...

happy easter...

I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.

2006-04-08T23:55:00.000-05:00

there are a few stories to tell...

i got to go to the gma/dove awards on wednesday... it was kind of a crazy, unexpected thing... i found out the day of the awards and got to go for free... we sat in the very back... i mean, all the people were there, but i didn't really "hang" with them... we kind of walked around before it started and we were all really tired and ready to go when it was over... but it was a great experience... there was a tribute to steven curtis chapman... mac powell (third day), jeremy camp, mark hall (casting crowns) and david crowder all sang acoustic versions of steven curtis chapman songs... when mac powell sang "i will be here," i don't think it's sounded better... i mean, i like scc, but mac powell brought an edgier version... i enjoyed it... other than that, it was just good times... my roommates don't know a lot about christian music, so i was way more excited than they were...

it was definitely chris tomlin night, as he walked away with 5 dove awards (3 that were presented during the evening)... and it ended in a great way... chris tomlin and his posse sang how "how great is our god" (which won song of the year, by the way), and then "how great thou art" acapella... it was wonderful... i mean, i knew i was singing in the same room as many of christian music's finest... and it was a really cool thing... definitely an "i live in nashville" moment...

*****

last weekend, i also had an "i live in nashville" day... i went shopping in the afternoon with a friend and randomly ran into lindsey, a friend from college... afterwards, i went with sarah to the indie showcase for gma music week - which was incredibly fun... i will post pictures later (i just have one word... koffey)...

then, i went and hung out with lindsey at wanna b's - a karaoke bar on broadway... and i saw maybe the best thing ever... this little asian guy got up there - with a davy crockett (raccoon) hat... and sang "man, i feel like a woman" - he knew every "woo" and word - i mean, he didn't even look at the screen... and it was amazing... when he got to the part that said, "man, i feel like a woman" - that was the best part... he couldn't really say woman the right way... he was saying woo-man, but it sounded more like hoo-man... so funny...

*****

i went to church with sarah on sunday the people's church in franklin... and donald miller (blue like jazz, searching for god knows what) was speaking... i've read blue like jazz... and i have always thought he's kind of a regular guy... i mean, i like what he writes, but i don't think he's a genius or anything... i've always felt like what he writes is cool, but not too meaty... if that makes sense...

i did really enjoy hearing him speak... it reminded me of portland... and a lot of it made me laugh and think at the same time... although i can't remember much of it... barely anything... but that's the way with most things i hear these days...

*****

i get to take a class on monday and tuesday... a 2nd level photoshop class at a computer learning center... my company is paying for it... i don't have to be there until 9:00, which means i get to sleep in a little bit on monday and tuesday - and i don't have to work for 2 days... and i probably get to dress down a little bit for both days... i'm really excited about it...

*****

monday night my roommates and i went to this random show... i really have no words to describe it adequately... it was the most random display of talent/entertainment i have seen in a very long time... it stretched from the gospel raggae group singing "salute da king" to what seemed to be phillips, craig, and dean impersonators... it was a crazy night... we thought it wouldn't be a late night, but it ended up being almost 2:00 a.m. by the time we got home and to bed... crazy... but the end of the show was amy's friend and some other people that i had heard of through camp circles... and they were really good... i sat there and got to take in peacefulness... the thought that was resonating with me was "peace. be still." and it was comforting...

*****

there may be some more stories, but that will do for tonight...

just a man on the plane...

2006-03-30T22:24:00.000-06:00

i have a story that is worth sharing...

when my coworker and i were coming back from san antonio, we got on the plane... we flew southwest, so we were looking for a place to sit... i saw this guy sitting by himself in an aisle seat... so i thought, "he looks nice" so we sit down next to him and wait for the take-off...

it wasn't too long before we started talking to him... and he was just a normal guy... but there was something about him... in this weird normal way... he was actually a pilot for southwest... so that's kind of what started it off... and it was off from there...

i've never had a better conversation on a plane... between the three of us, we talked about everything from religion to politics to sports to airlines... and a lot of stuff in between... he's a christian... but he wasn't a preacher... he was a pilot with season tickets to the spurs... with 3 kids - twin girls and a son...

but the conversation kept going... we all talked for almost the entire flight... and it was just cool... i got off the plane and i just wanted to tell people about meeting this man who was refreshingly normal... he's probably my favorite chrisitan stranger i've ever met... most of the time i'm either annoyed by their overbearance or unaware that they are christians at all... instead... i liked him...

i thought it was just me... i thought i was the only one who would be affected by this man whose name i don't know... but we got in the car and my coworker called someone to tell them she was back safe. as soon as she said "we got back okay," the next words out of her mouth were about this man... she said, "we sat by this great man on the plane." and she kept talking about him...

and my heart smiled a little bit... because i knew it wasn't just me... and it made me realize the importance of being normal and myself... and also the effect that we can have on each other... if we'll take the time to have a conversation... not to force it... this man wasn't forcing his agenda... he was being nice... and his friendliness had more effect on a couple of unsuspecting business travelers than many evangelists i have heard or seen...

secrets...

2006-03-27T21:44:00.000-06:00

lately i've been intrigued by the idea of secrets... i read a book called "can you keep a secret?" on my plane ride to san antonio... it was a fiction book - easy read... for entertainment... the main character was on a plane and ended up spilling all her secrets to a man who turns out to be her boss...

then... today, i read a quick article about postsecret... a website dedicated to publishing postcards of people's secrets... and there are testimonies about how free the people felt after they shared their secrets anonymously...

anyway... it all made me start thinking about the idea of secrets... what secrets do i have? what if the secrets i had were broadcasted for the world? would it become a point of stress - having all of my inside information available for the world? or would it be a huge relief?

and who earns the right to hear the secrets? does anyone deserve to be entrusted with someone's secrets? with whom should we share our secrets?

i know this doesn't make a lot of sense... it's all just kind of random thoughts... mostly, i'm trying to think of what secrets i have... i think i'm generally a pretty open-book type of person... but i'm sure there are some... but what do i do when i figure out what they are?

maybe i shouldn't think about it anymore...

on a much lighter note... i'm watching she's out of control with tony danza... matthew perry is in it... and he's also in friends... in friends, phoebe says that she always thought the song tiny dancer said "hold me closer, tony danza..." and all roads lead to tiny dancers or flavor flav once again...

no... my computer did not crash yet...

2006-03-20T11:47:00.000-06:00

but by my lack of posting, it wouldn't be hard to believe... i can claim busy-ness and a lack of interest... but the fact is... i just haven't thought about it...

but here i am... now... writing... not really anything thought provoking... but some good news... starting with some informational stuff and bad news...

two of my coworkers were scheduled to go to a groundbreaking in texas - leaving tomorrow and coming back on thursday... but one of their uncles died this weekend and so she has to stay and deal with family stuff and cannot go... (bad news)

but, because it's spring break, the hotels and airlines won't refund the money for her very expensive flight and room... so she needs someone to go in her place...

and that person is me!!!

so - tomorrow afternoon/evening i leave for san antonio... i'll be gone until thursday mid-morning...

then, thursday night, i'll be repacking for a quick trip to lr and to shreveport... which means i'll be in 4 states in 3 days...

and, according to weather.com - it's warm in san antonio, which makes my heart happy a little bit... because it's been cold and rainy here!!!

march fools' day...

2006-02-28T23:41:00.000-06:00

tomorrow is march fools' day... don't take anyone seriously or fall for any tricks... sincerely...

just kidding... but seriously...

okay... moving on... i feel like i had something of importance to write about, but the faint memory i had telling me what it was has faded into the back of my mind... right now all i can think about is the wonderful sleep that awaits me...

but i want to write some other stuff... the sleep can wait for another 10 minutes...

i've never watched the amazing race until last season with the families... but i thought i might be interested in this year's... and i am... i cracked up more times than i care to admit at tonight's episode... if you missed it, you missed the crack up couple... because they got kicked off tonight... but i think it's going to be a good season...

but i've been up late every night this week... and i'm exhausted... so it's time... i'm going to take a ride on the sleep train!!!

my mom... the beauty queen...

2006-02-26T00:50:00.000-06:00

amy sent me this picture of mom... i'm pretty sure it's from when she was in high school... she's the one in the center... she was the queen!!! i wish i had gotten her good looks or good figure!!! check out that crown!!!

here's the update/news...

2006-02-22T22:03:00.000-06:00

i'm really tired... because my JOB wears me out!!! :)...

my job is good... i'm learning more about construction than i thought possible... i like the people i work with... right now, i just don't know everything and i don't always have stuff to do... and i don't like that, but it will change once i start learning more stuff...

today there was a reception for golden gate baptist theological seminary that was here in nashville... i was thrilled to get to go to it... not only because it was at an incredible restaurant here in town where i ate some tremendous food... but also because i got to meet some new people and reconnect with some... i got to hear about some of the vision of what's going to happen the next five years with golden gate and i'm excited to be a part of it...

after it was over, i was talking with jeff... i mean dr. iorg (the president)... and i mentioned how much golden gate meant to me... how i really considered it the sb seminary most focused on ministry and missions... and that's the reason i went there... and was so thankful for my education and, more importantly, my experience... he said it was the best thing he had heard all day... and then he said to tom jones (director of institutional advancement), "we need to get robyn to give a student testimony at the banquet in september!" there's going to be a ggbts banquet (similar to the luncheon but on a larger scale, in order to partner with people and raise money and support for the school)... it's in september and evidently, i'm giving a testimony... isn't that exciting? it is... you should be excited... if anyone wants to go, let me know and i'll turn in your names... i mean, it is a really great free dinner...

so, that was my day... i'm really tired and i think i'm going to go to bed... but i wanted to give a little update...

2006-02-22T22:02:00.000-06:00

brian, me and patti at the butcher shop during the birthday extravaganza...

2006-02-22T22:00:00.001-06:00

me and blake at the birthday extravaganza!!!

2006-02-22T22:00:00.000-06:00

patti and corky at alfred's during the birthday celebration for danae, blake and me!!!

2006-02-22T21:59:00.001-06:00

blake and danae... the happy birthday couple...

2006-02-22T21:59:00.000-06:00

me, alyssa, shawna and christy outside on a beautiful snowy day in portland... it was december 18, but i never posted it... we ate at typhoon! (yum!!!) and then went to powell's books, got coffee and walked around in the snow... and i didn't have any gloves... :(

the job search is over...

2006-02-20T15:59:00.000-06:00

i have just accepted a job (through a temp agency) as an administrative assistant for the marketing department of an engineering firm... i start tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.... that's gross... but it will be a-okay...

i'm really excited about it... i mean, it is work... but work is good...

i just got a call back and i don't have to be there until 9:00!!! yea!!!

a pretty good valentine's day experience...

2006-02-14T23:07:00.000-06:00

i'm not the biggest fan of valentine's day... i never really have been... and today just seemed like a normal day aside from all of the talk shows emphasizing on love and valentine's day... but no big deal...

then, when i went to check the mail this afternoon, i walked outside and saw the neighborhood kids playing in the grass beside our apartment... as soon as they saw me, all of them yelled, "happy valentine's day!!!" almost like they were told to... it was so cute... and so i said "happy valentine's day" back to them... and i asked them if they ate a lot of candy at school today... one said "no" and one said "yes..."

then... (this is the best part) one of the youngest boys ran up and threw his arms around me and looked up at me and said, "happy valentine's day!" it was the best valentine's present i could have gotten...

then my roommates and i made heart-shaped brownie cakes... yum!!!

so all in all, it was a pretty good valentine's day!!!

evidently i'm big bird...

2006-02-14T21:50:00.000-06:00

Which Sesame Street Muppet Are You?

is amnesia real?

2006-02-11T14:07:00.000-06:00

jaclyn and i are watching the muppets take manhattan and kermit gets amnesia... i mean, have you ever known anyone who got amnesia... it seems like a made-up tv and movie condition...

here's what tv and movies have taught me about amnesia...

if someone has it, all you have to do is hit them hard on the head again and they'll go back to normal...

all of this brought to you by the letter m (for muppet)...

finally friday...

2006-02-10T13:18:00.000-06:00

first and foremost, i have to talk about what i'm watching on tv... millionaire... and it's "engaged couples" week... it's extremely entertaining to watch the couples as they try to make decisions and take risks... i keep waiting for one of the couples to fight... but so far... not so much...

here's the heart of what i really wanted to write about today...

i had my 2nd interview at the church... and it went well... it was with the two youth ministers... at first, it was the normal type stuff... and then, at some point, it took more an informal tone... my sarcastic side came out a little bit... but it felt pretty appropriate... if something can be "pretty appropriate" - i guess it's either appropriate or not... but whatever...

then, the sr. high youth minister said he had "rapid fire" questions for me... which is kind of fun and kind of terrifying... because who knows what i might say in the spur of a moment...

so... these are the questions (and i'll insert my answers in green)...

1. do you like coffee? (emphatically) "yes!"
2. what's your favorite dc talk song? "what's that one... the other night i met this girl and she looked at me so nice... i asked her for her digits and she didn't think twice..." (yes, that's right... i totally rapped the song)... "i can't remember the name of it..."
3. do you know what "more cowbell" means? and at this point, i think i snorted... i definitely laughed... "i love it!!! yes, i've got a fever and the only cure is more cowbell!!!"
4. do you know who flava-flav is? yes and he's creepy!!!
5. what your favorite line from a movie? "no way... i can't do it... i love movies... but i guess i'll say, "i gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." because it's the first thing that came into my head. "

i definitely walked away saying, "did i really get asked if i knew who flava-flav is in an interview? and will i get the job because i know or not get it because i know?"

but overall, i think they liked me... but i left thinking, "did i really say all of that?" because when i start with the sarcastic and goofy side i forget that i'm in it until i snort... which happened at least 3 times... so i hope it was endearing and not weird...

so, it was good... and i just called to check with one of them about the process... and i think i'm in... so now, comes the weekend of processing... trying to figure it all out... i feel like i could have written this entry better... i'm sure i could have... but such is life...

so the most up-to-date word on the job hunt is:
i'm waiting for the engineering firm to call and let me know if i would be getting that job or not...
i'm waiting for the minister of education to call and ask me to come meet with him to discuss the offer he should be extending to me...
this weekend i'll be processing everything to figure out what i'll do if i get a call from the engineering firm... about which one i'll take...
i should be starting work within the next week or so... maybe a week from monday... hopefully soon... because i'm ready to start getting a paycheck!!!

quiet time...

2006-02-09T00:17:00.000-06:00

i've gotten in a really bad habit of staying up late...

but here's the thing...

after my roommates go to bed, the apartment is quiet... really quiet... not that they're loud when they're up - but it's just this peaceful kind of calm when it feels like all of the world is asleep... everyone except me... and my friends on the west coast... i sometimes use the time to catch up with my friends in the portland area...

but sometimes, on nights like tonight... i sit and enjoy the quiet... i sometimes miss living by myself... most of the time i don't... but sometimes, every now and then, i miss not having to worry about whether it will bother anyone if i leave my dishes in the sink or if i leave the ironing board and iron out... or whether my stereo playing butch walker over and over will make my roommates crazy...

but in the quiet moments, i don't worry about any of that stuff... and tonight, i hear a little bit of rain... and it's therapeutic...

and the moment feels peaceful... and my heart smiles a little...

random monday night update...

2006-02-07T00:40:00.000-06:00

wanted to give a little bit of an update...

i had an interview today... it went spectacularly well... i guess... i mean, it was good...

it was with the minister of education for a church in franklin... he's going to tell the youth ministers i'd be assisting about me in the morning, then, supposedly, they'll call me to set up an interview...

so i'll just have to dazzle them with my incredible personality and quick wit... shouldn't be a problem... after all, my mom says if they don't like me - it's them, not me...

so should know something more in a day or two... the only minor setback is that i'll need to give them my portfolio when i meet with them and i can't find the cd that has the pdf's i was going to use for my portfolio... so i'll do a mad search tomorrow and if i still can't find it, i'll have to figure something out...

tonight i watched how i met your mother (and loved it) and the bachelor... i don't know why... and now i'm watching a great movie... but i'm not telling what it is - because i may want to use it as trivia...

overall, it's been a really good day...